Dying is the Easiest Part

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It Feels Strange to be at Home

Heavy.

That is the perfect word to describe what I feel every single day the second I wake up. The instant regret and resentment as to why I still woke up when I could have just died in my sleep. That's the best way to describe it. That's what makes me feel heavy every morning I wake up... it's the fact that I just simply... woke up.

But now... I don't.

My chest and my body doesn't feel heavy, and the bed where I'm lying feels comfortable. The fabric smells like fresh lemons and lavender and the cushion and comforter feels as soft as the clouds above the skies.

I slowly open my eyes, but the sunrays passing through the windows hit my eyes, forcing them to close again.

I made another attempt to open my eyes and this time I succeeded. Blinking two times, I stare at the unfamiliar window carefully. It looks fancy because of its rim that is made of gold and even the hanging open curtains on it look expensive.

Where am I?

That is the big question popping inside my head right now.

Where am I?

From lying on the most comfortable bed ever, I force myself to get up and sit on it so that I could roam my eyes around the room, but I scooted backwards so dramatically I accidentally hit my back on the hard bumpy headboard.

I look at it over my shoulder and I was flabbergasted when I saw that the headboard was carved in using the shape of tiny daffodils and it was made out of gold and silver.

Man, who's room is this?

I roam my eyes around the place with panic rising through my chest because this room looks more expensive that my whole life and my cousins' life combined, I'm so afraid to move. Even the chandelier in front of me that looks like a crown of a princess is made out of rose gold.

Damn! What kind of place is this? And how the hell did I get here?

I look down on my body to inspect what I'm wearing. It was a white silky nightgown that looks like what the Queen of England would wear.

I am so confused! What the hell is going on? Am I in a dream? I tilt my head on the right side and I saw my reflection through the oval mirror that has two tiny women on the bottom part that is made out of gold and they were stretching their arms up, supporting the full length mirror.

Pushing the comforter down from my waist level, bumaba ako mula sa kama at dahan-dahang naglakad papunta doon sa may salamin. I still look the same.

Middle length wavy hair with bangs. Petite body that I achieved because I don't always have the appetite to eat. Same pair of brown lonely eyes and a thin but slightly pouty mouth. It was still me. Maeve Collins.

The same weak woman who attempted to commit suicide by swallowing the whole bottle of sleeping pills.

But how did I end up here in this fancy room? Wasn't I supposed to be dead by this time? Pero bakit nandito pa rin ako? Bakit buhay pa rin ako at humihinga?

I tried to pinch myself multiple times to wake myself up.

That sounds ironic by the way. Pinching myself to wake up when I wanted nothing but to be dead.

But this is just so weird. I still don't know what am I doing here? Is this the result of failed suicide attempt? Hallucinations? Dreams that feel real?