Petal [h.s.]

SIXTEEN - SOUND OF YOUR HEART

I didn't sleep.

My anger kept rising like waves, making me jump out of bed and pace the length of my bedroom until I calmed down. I was angry at everything, at everyone-at myself for letting Harry kiss me, at Harry for initiating the kiss, at myself for grinding against his thigh like a desperate slut, at him for being a huge fucking asshole.

His threat to go after Dani played over and over in my head and I fought the urge to scream each time I heard it. I knew that he only said it to piss me off, of course, but it still enraged me. He somehow knew exactly how to push my buttons and I had to train myself to stop reacting to him or else I was going to get into a world of trouble. Trouble was the last thing that I needed.

I could feel his presence on the other side of the wall all night long. It was sickening. It was exhilarating. I wasn't a fucking home wrecker, but god, how I wanted to wreck his entire life. I would have done anything to go over there again and press my lips against his. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so alive. It terrified me nearly as much as it excited me.

My brain refused to turn off as I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I imagined the way his girlfriend would feel if she ever found out about what happened. I imagined how I would feel in her position, if someone like Harry was my boyfriend and I found out he cheated on me. The idea made me feel sick to my stomach, especially because he kissed me for no reason.

He kissed me just to kiss me, not because he loved me or because I was good for him. I wasn't good for him. I wasn't good for anyone. My stomach turned until I decided that I would never see him again. I'd avoid him like the plague. He was no good for me and I was no good for him. There was absolutely no reason for us to see one another again. We were neighbors, not friends.

I knew I'd have to give some sort of explanation to Buffy. I'd have to tell her something so that she didn't bring him around. Maybe I could just tell her what happened. I felt like I could trust her and maybe if she knew, she'd stop pushing us to be civil. It was the last thing that played through my mind that night before I finally passed out for a few pathetic hours.

To my surprise, Dani showed up the next morning.

She just waltzed into the apartment, carrying a tray of coffee like she usually did, grinning at me when she saw me getting ready at my vanity. I turned around to look at her, tilting my head as she held out my coffee to me.

"Sweet cream cold brew." She said as she gave it a shake, letting me hear the ice rattle against the sides of the cup. She gave me her usual puppy dog eyes, "C'mon Belly... you haven't talked to me in days!"

"Because you turn into a little asshole every time we go to a family dinner." I said back, reaching out and taking my drink from her anyways. Only because I needed the caffeine desperately.

She huffed out a sigh, plopping down on my bed and looked around at my mess. I knew she would start cleaning within the next five minutes.

"I know. I'm sorry." She shook her head, looking down at her lap, "I don't mean to, but it's always been you, Belly. Growing up... they only ever talked about you, worried about you, spent nights staying up and losing sleep because they were scared you would hurt yourself. They've always loved you more than me..."