Little Flower

Little Flower 💐 (44)

Lisa's pov

We are back in Seoul. Our home; the one that we share together but Roseanne has agreed to let me at least have a separate bedroom from her and the baby. I need a space somehow and although I see the reluctance in her eyes, still she convinces me that it is for the best. We would be together on the bed as we take the baby to sleep and soon after Chaengi is asleep, I would move to my own room. 

I don't exactly know how I feel about Roseanne. Do I love her? Yes. I do. With all my heart? Fuck, yes. 

But I am still hurting. And I guess she is feeling the same too. Probably the flashback from her past mistake is still haunting her, just like mine does. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night; having a nightmare from what I did to her years ago. Back to the days where I was nothing less than a monster who hurt her intentionally just because I knew that I couldn't be what Jisoo was and probably still for her. 

I never knew what the feeling was called until recently when I start to visit the therapist with Suzy and talk about my feelings openly because my best friend thinks it's already time I start to change for the better. It is still hard though, I guess because I am not built to let people close to me. But Suzy is always there. And with her support, I manage to break down a little of the barrier I have set around myself, as a protection wall so that I would never be hurt. 

But what happened between Roseanne and Jisoo broke me apart and it makes me realize that no matter how hard I try to deny the love I have for her, at the end of the day, I would still love her endlessly, fiercer than before each time. I talk to my therapist about my only daughter; my little flower whom I love more than anything in life. I might have left the small part about her not being mine but apart from that, everything about her is just pure truth. I tell her how I like the way she laughs because it reminds me of Roseanne when she grins. I tell her how I like when my little flower hugs me because she smells like Roseanne and feels ultimately warm like her too; so warm that she melts my frozen heart every time she does so. 

I tell her how I like to listen to the little flower telling me about her day; how she rants about things that annoy her the most because it makes her literally like her mommy when she pouts. I tell her how I love to just gaze dreamily at my little flower because she reminds me of Roseanne and how gorgeous she literally is by doing nothing. And the feedback that I have gotten from the therapist shocks me to the core. 

She tells me that I must have been madly in love with my wife because I see her in everything that my daughter does; because it takes only true love to be able to feel the presence of that person without having the person to actually be there. I smile when she says that to my face because the next thing I know, I feel her next to me, her grin on her face as I tilt my head to stare. 

"I think I love her too"

I finally say. Next to me, Suzy smiles. "I know you do"

"But I have to fix something" I finally say to Suzy and she looks at me as we pause at the exit of the therapist's office. "What is it, Lisa?"

"I need to talk to Jisoo"

👀

"Hi, Lisa"

Jisoo leans in for a kiss and I allow her. I even wrap my arm around her neck and pat her shoulder twice. "Hi, Jisoo"

I say back. We both stare awkwardly at each other before I gesture for her to sit down. She sits, crossing her legs, looking gorgeous than ever. Her long hair is slightly curly at the end and she has bangs now, for fuck's sake. 

"How's life?" I ask stupidly and she is taken aback by my question. Normally, I would just insult her in advance but she is great at controlling her facial expression. Smiling briefly, she parts her lips to talk. "Life's great, Lisa. I mean, I'm loving whatever shit that I'm in right now"

"Hope she's the one for you"

"I hope that too"

Another silence and I lick my lower lip. "Listen, Jisoo" I sigh. "I know we have always had a turbulent relationship. You and I are always different but I remember you saying that no matter what we are still family"

"About that, Lisa" 

She looks at me, looking guilty. "I'm so sorry for what happened. I wasn't on the right mind. She was hurting and ..."

"Please don't go there," I say and she looks at me, muttering an apology. "What I want to talk to you right now is that I love her, Jisoo"

She looks at me, her eyes piercing my own. "I know" she nods. "It was your name she said when we were together"

I press my lips together at that piece of information. "I love her a lot" I repeat again, shutting my eyes. "Like I really love her so much, Jisoo and I'm not letting her go"

"That a right choice" she clears her throat. "And about the baby, she's mine. I am not planning to let her go either. I love her and I want her as much as I want Rosie"

"She's yours" Jisoo lifts her eyebrows. "She has never been mine, to begin with" 

"Maybe someday" I clear my throat, my eyes on something else than her figure. "When she's old enough, I'd tell her about you"

"Please don't," Jisoo says. "Like I said. She's yours. I want her to think like that always"

"But what about you?"

"I am happy" Jisoo utters, clasping her hands. "To see you if you are happy with her"

"She makes me the happiest mom on earth" I smile a little and my sister grins brighter. "And I'm glad to hear that, Lisa. Really, I'm so happy to see how you've changed"

"Well, I'm happy too" 

I nod, ignoring the waiter who comes to drop us the drinks. "And you're free to visit us if you want, Jisoo. I think Chaengi would like to see you often"

"That's great Lisa" 

Jisoo smiles softly. "And Jennie would be there too" I wink my eye which makes Jisoo chokes on her drink. 

She wipes the stain on her chin clumsily. "Lisa, I'm ..."

"My little sister isn't the best secret keeper" I let her know that and Jisoo blushes. "I know you're a good person Jisoo. And my sister isn't really the best but if you can, just take care of her. She deserves someone to love her clingy ass"

"I'll try" 

She says and we talk about something else; random things until the sun sets and I bide her a goodbye. 

👀

I grab a bouquet of roses for her from the florist shop and hurry to make it to the doorstep of our own. My finger itching to ring the bell when I feel a strange hand grab my own. I frown before turning my head only to face sudden darkness.