Bon Bons to Yoga Pants

Chapter 14-Dooms Day # 2

Wednesday approached a little like death—without warning.

I woke up that morning with no enthusiasm. Not even the thought of talking to Bradley on Facebook cheered me. Knowing I would have to face Bitsy in the evening for our weekly Health and Happiness Society meeting made a rock sink into my stomach and stay there all day.

I didn't necessarily fear Bitsy. I feared the scale.

After a week of sheer torture, what felt like major food deprivation, and constant calorie counting, I'd barely remained under my allotted number of calories each day. The fact that I'd made it to the gym six times felt heroic. I deserved a Macy's Parade float.

Never mind that I felt like I could be one.

While I felt proud of my restraint, I couldn't really enjoy it because I kept having nightmares that I'd step on the scale, and it would say 275. Logically, there was no way I could have gained that much weight after taking away the daily Ho Ho's, but that didn't matter. My heart braced for the inevitable diet disappointment. I knew I would gain, and I'd realize how hopeless this entire endeavor was, and I'd fall face first into a molten lava cake.

"Welcome back!" Bitsy chirped from the top of her living room that evening. A few squeaks sounded from the back rooms, sounding like the shrill cry of girls playing together, and not very nicely at that. Bitsy wore a baggy shirt, workout pants, and a pair of old sneakers with holes in the side. Although she'd put on plenty of makeup, her skin had a moist sheen to it, as if she'd just finished working out. Her collection of exercise DVD's seemed taller than last week, and I wondered if I'd have enough discipline to turn off the TV and actually work out at home.

Doubtful. Mira still had to drag me out of bed to go to the gym.

"Well, that's not much enthusiasm," Bitsy said with a frown, propping her hands on her hips like a scolding mother. In a sense, she was our weight-loss-Mama. "Aren't you guys excited about getting happy and healthy?"

"Praise the lawd!" Mira called, one hand in the air. The two men sitting on folding chairs across from Mira and me managed half-smiles. Bitsy pressed her gaze right into my eyes like she wanted to share her vision with me. Unfortunately, I had no desire to view myself from her eyes.

"Lexie?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"Are you excited about getting healthy?"

I'm excited about looking hot for Bradley.

"Yes, Bitsy," I said, feeling like a preschooler under duress. I couldn't even meet her eyes! Why didn't the military recruit her? She smiled, but her narrowed gaze suggested that I still hadn't fooled her. She knew I was doing this for shallow reasons. But at least they were motivating shallow reasons.

"Wonderful," she replied, although her voice had a current of disappointment in it. "Well, let's get started, I suppose. We'll do the weigh ins, talk about our week, and then I want to discuss the importance of drinking water, as well as a few food hacks to cut down calories but keep that delicious flavor!"

I ignored the urge to grab Bitsy's decorative pillow and hug it to my stomach, feeling suddenly insecure. That bloody scale awaited. I could feel it calling to me. Mira hopped up.

"I'll go first!" she called, waddling into the back behind Bitsy. She returned a few minutes later, face flushed and lips forming a straight line. I couldn't read her expression, so when Bitsy called one of the men back, I sent Mira a questioning glance. She shook her head.

"Bitsy said we're not supposed to share our results with each other."

"Seriously?"

Mira nodded, and I knew that I'd never find out. She viewed Bitsy as some sort of god. I rolled my eyes and stared at the carpet, wondering what Bradley was doing right then.