The next day Jared wasn’t sure if Isaac would come round to pick him up but didn’t dare text him to ask, had no right to do so. Instead he sat on a chair in the kitchen tapping his foot nervously against the floor with a cold twist in his gut that just wouldn’t go away. He’d hardly slept that night, all his effort going into not thinking too much into it, how right they’d felt together, into not imagining what Isaac might be feeling, not re-seeing Isaac’s hurt face over and over and over and over until he was half-sobbing into his pillow, everything stifled and confused. He wished he hadn’t said those things before they- before they kissed- he’d been cruel and awful, he knew that. (He would’ve known even if Isaac hadn’t told him, but Isaac had and his words were on repeat in Jared’s head: “That’s fucking cruel and you know it”).
It would be okay, Jared told himself firmly. Jared could make it up to him. They could- move on from yesterday, it was only a kiss and they’d been- emotional. Jared wouldn’t have to lose him over this. He’d apologise and do everything he could to earn Isaac’s trust again, show him he knew he’d made a mistake- and they’d be friends again, surely? Eventually? Isaac would be there still with him, smiling and listening and perfect and the only true friend Jared had ever known. Surely he would… Surely he was too much an intrinsic part of Jared’s life to rip himself out? Jared couldn’t even imagine life without Isaac. He could not, would not lose him over this.
(Or would he? The minutes passed and Isaac didn’t arrive).
Jared got up and started pacing. He knew he deserved it but with every second passing the clench at the core of him was worse and worse.
“Fucking fuck fuck fuck,” he muttered to himself, fingers clenched so tightly into his hands that it hurt.
And then he heard a car come up the drive.
Jared was out so fast he left his schoolbag behind and had to go back for it, swinging into Isaac’s car breathless and flustered.
“Hi,” said Isaac with a smile. Jared almost swore out loud in relief.
“I’m so sorry Isaac-” he began recklessly. “I’m a dick- I didn’t mean any of it, what I said or what I did, and I’m so sorry-”
Isaac was still smiling.
“Can we not, Jared,” he said pleasantly. “I’d rather not.”
Jared froze with his mouth open.
“Oh, yeah, sure. Okay. But you don’t think we should talk about-?”
Isaac just shook his head, seemingly offhand.
“Nah,” he said, and turned the audio up.
‘This is BBC Radio 1 with the news at 8am! After that we’ll be playing more great tracks for you from Rita Ora and Olly Murs-’
--------o--------
At school Isaac quickly disappeared, giving some excuse about printing something off. Jared felt like everything in his world had been flipped upside down, like his feet were scrabbling to hold their grip and any minute now everything would collapse.
He went out to stand in the grey outdoor air, round the back behind the music block so no-one would disturb him, and found himself calling Willa in an attempt to restore normality.
She picked up on the fourth ring.
“We shouldn’t be talking,” she said cautiously.
“I know,” he answered. “But I wanted to say sorry for being selfish and awful and just- shit, Willa, I’m sorry.”
A pause.
“Okay. I’m glad you called. Like- you’re one of my best friends, Jared.” She laughed. “It’d be kinda lonely not talking.”
“Apology accepted?” he asked hesitantly.
“Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we were both stressed. I was probably over-dramatic.”
He swallowed.
“D’you wanna maybe- go out to the cinema tonight, or something? We could de-stress a little.”
(Anything to keep him from being alone, from every thought being IsaacIsaacIsaac, from that heartbroken face popping up every time he closed his eyes).
Willa hummed.
“Yeah, sure. There’s a couple things I fancy seeing. I’ll text you, okay?”
“Great,” said Jared.
--------o--------
Willa bumped into Isaac later that day, in the supermarket at lunch as they both scoured the discount sandwich aisle. He saw her first and nudged her gently, offering a small smile.
“You okay?” he asked. “I heard about you and Jared.”
She looked up and smiled back.
“Hey there! Yeah, I’m good.” Her forehead creased a little as she registered what he’d said and then she shook her head with a light laugh. “Oh, right, yeah. No that whole break thing didn’t last long. He called earlier and I think” – she squinted at a dubious looking cheese and ham wrap – “we’re back on. Going out to the cinema tonight actually.”
She wasn’t looking at him as she said it – too busy comparing the wrap and a chicken sandwich reduced to £1. He said,
“Oh right. That’s- pretty good news.”
She put the wrap back down – “Yeah, I’m glad he-” and then saw his face and almost dropped the sandwich as well. “Isaac? Are you okay?”
He shrugged, swallowing. The darkness under his eyes looked like someone had pressed big inky thumb-prints into his sockets.
“Bad day. Feeling a bit sick.”
He looked so wretched that she couldn’t help but hug him. He just stood there and when she drew away, he put his own sandwich back down. She glared at him.
“Pick that up. You need to eat.”
He ran a hand over his face with this little almost-hysterical laugh, like everything was suddenly too much, and then reached back down for it.
“Okay,” he said, straightening up. He took a deep breath then looked away, put it down again. “No Willa, I’m sorry. I can’t- I’ll be fine, I just- I think maybe I just need to go home for a bit.”
She eyed him nervously, worry pulsing through her like a wrong-way current.
“I’ll pop by after school?” she said. He shrugged, walking away backwards with the need to escape written all over his face.
“Sure- I, sure,” he managed, then gave her a jerky wave. “See you later.”
YOU ARE READING
Invincible
Teen Fiction"I didn't know you had friends like Isaac," Willa said in greeting. "I don't," muttered Jared. Isaac rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you don't. You have //one// friend like Isaac." His voice turned into this stupid mock whisper and he leaned towards Jared c...
