Cleo Horan
"This song seriously is your anthem. Like, there really isn't a more perfect song to represent you two." Zayn cackled, keeping his eyes closed as Daddy Issues echoed around the living room.
That used to be my favorite song until Harry sang his original one to me, the one he wrote about us. That was the sweetest thing ever and very unexpected coming from him, no words would ever be enough to express how much I loved him and the song.
Harry had put some songs on shuffle as I finished making dinner, and since the living room was just right next to the kitchen, I could hear the lyrics perfectly as I was cooking. And I missed listening to this song with Harry... fuck, I missed him even though he hadn't left my side.
Now I was leaning against the doorway, looking up to meet Harry's gaze as the chicken parmesan was in the oven, it was all I could manage to do with the limited ingredients and we were having a special guest for dinner... because Ash was joining us tonight.
Well, it'd been four days since I cried my eyes out while Harry hugged me as if he'd never let me go. And I knew he wouldn't.
It was just what I needed to feel, though, because we were both broken inside and it was very hard to finally accept it after so many months bottling up my emotions. Yes, I brought this on myself and I made the mistake of thinking I could ignore this forever.
My nightmares were still haunting me, the words that came out of Niall's and my mother's mouth would always be there in the back of my mind, but that's all they were: manifestations of my guilty subconscious.
Easier said than done, it still hurt me to think about it. I was aware enough that Niall would've never said something like that, but it didn't mean he was wrong.
But my mother was wrong, well, I was wrong to allow the cruel side of my brain to make myself actually start doubting Harry's feelings for me, even if just briefly. It fucked me up and the fact he stayed with me and did his best to make me feel okay proved the opposite.
I was the most vulnerable I'd ever been, but he didn't make me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or weak. He didn't push me to talk about anything, he stayed there and he listened. He held me close and he told me he loved me, which was pretty much all I needed to hear.
Nobody enjoys feeling weak when it comes to your own feelings, but sometimes there's no other way to face them. Being self-aware was important and it took me too long to finally snap out of the numbness. I just now realized how much it affected everyone around me.
I wasn't okay and it would take me a very long time to recover emotionally, but I wasn't alone. Harry and I talked during the past days, more than we ever talked before. We were honest about our emotions and how we felt about what had happened, from Louis' death and the lie to the way our fight got out of hand.
This relationship thing was very foreign to us but we were communicating... which was something I never thought I'd be doing so openly.
It was good to clarify everything and see that we were on the same page, even though things were still a bit weird between us.
I mean, we hadn't kissed or done anything besides hugging each other.
Harry was being way too careful around me and this was a side of him I wasn't very used to.
Maybe he was also overthinking about touching me since I told him he was using sex to distract me from the truth during our fight, but I didn't mean that. I wanted to be close to him, kiss him, and do the things we usually did.
He wasn't joking around or being cocky, he was actually pretty quiet. And I was unsure of what I was supposed to do or say... this whole situation was different from our kind of 'usual'.
