𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐲- 𝐀 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐩

||Hate from the past by Dharmanandini||

I am brutally honest here, and both criticism and appreciation is given depending on the work.

Hope you like it and try to follow what I suggested.

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Hate from The past by Dharmanandini

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Cover- 8/10

Originality- 10/10

Character development- 8/10

Title- 5/5

Grammar and language- 17/20

Ability to keep readers hooked- 13/ 15

Plot- 15/20

Blurb- 8/10

Total= 85/100

Cover- I love the editing, the way it was portrayed and the basic idea of it, the colour scheme matched the mood perfectly, but the problem was, the font of the title. It is too stylish, making a person cringe internally. I am a graphic designer to (my close friends on wattpad know), so I would suggest you could add bevel to 'from the past' as well. And You should change the font of it all, make it a little simple, making it look more aesthetic.

Title- I love it, it is too the point. Hats off to you. I also love ||****|| you kept; it just makes it better.

Irony- It is amazing, and I suppose it was the first story I read, where Draupadi was given a chance to mend her relationship with her eldest husband, and end the vile hate towards him.

Blurb- Don't use emojis in a blurb, it makes it look kiddish and immature. The story inside is definitely not a kid's one, so don't make the blurb look like it. Also, you could add a quote about true love, being eternal not ephemeral. Like, love survives everything, because even in her reincarnation sort of, they fell in love again.

Character development- The whole story is about self- realization, understanding and looking past what is generally visible to eye. I loved how you portrayed everything, emotions, insecurity, understanding step by step. The development was extremely intriguing and hats off for that. I also loved the fact, that even against the odds, they fell in love again, even thought she was determined to marry only arjun. But at one point, it is all dragged too much, like you are showing the same thing again and again.

Grammar- Ok, I loved the way emotions, and all were penned down in words but there are some things, I would suggest you to keep in mind while writing. I would seriously recommend you focus on your tenses. If you are writing in past tense, use past tense form of words and don't change it to present the very next moment. Also, there are loads of grammatical mistakes in your writing.

An example of that from the prologue in the very first paragraph-

She was seeing warriors who killed by cheating. Her heart pangs to see her five sons wrapped up in fire giving their pain to their mother.

So, from reading I noticed that you have written the book in past tense. So, the word 'pangs' in the second line, refers to present tense, making your sentence grammatically incorrect. It should have been panged.

More mistakes in these two lines-

She was seeing warriors who killed by cheating. This line has some grammatical mistakes. The subject part of the sentence which says, 'warriors who killed by cheating.' There should be a were between who and killed. So, it would be 'who were killed by cheating.'

In the second sentence Her heart pangs to see her five sons wrapped up in fire giving their pain to their mother. There should be a colon after the word fire since both 'wrapped up in fire' and 'giving their pain to their mother' are clauses.

Another thing I can point out in the first paragraph is in the very first line- A lady was seeing the funeral of her warrior sons who died after winning the war. Here I would not recommend using the word 'seeing' because she is not watching a movie but witnessing the death of her own sons. It does not set the mood of the story, it is the very first line of the book, so setting the mood, is a very important part of it. You could have used 'a Lady of honour' instead of just 'a Lady.' Because they had won the war, so now she was the empress.

In the simplest way the paragraph could be written as- A lady of honour was witnessing the funeral of her warrior sons, who died after winning the war. She was witnessing the end warriors who were killed by cheating. Her heart panged to see her five sons wrapped up in fire: giving their pain to their mother.

Otherwise, to make it sound better in a literary way, we can write it as-

A lady of honour was witnessing the memorial service of her hero children who passed on in the wake of winning the conflict. She was seeing fighters who were killed by cheating. Her heart ached seeing five children enveloped with fire: giving their aggravation to their mom.

It would sound a lot better like this, making it appealing to read. You can also use better vocabulary and more convoluted words instead of sticking to basics.

Another thing I noticed is that you confuse a lot between 'honor' and 'honour'.

Let me just explain it. They are both verbs. As verbs the difference between honour and honor. is that honour is to think of highly, to respect highly of while honor is to show respect for.

Also honour is British English while honor is American English, I don't know what you use but since I am French, I follow British English, which is why I used honour at every place instead of honor. You can use what you find comfortable or the type of English you follow, since I am not sure what type of English is used in India.

Writing style- I loved how the emotions were shown, but you were really direct with it.

Not like- He was crying alone.

But like- In the dark, he crumbled to the ground, not a whisper was heard except his. His whole body shook with nerve wracking sobs as he let his heart out.

Extras- Not really, I pointed out a lot of things in a single paragraph, you should really edit your book, because that was just a single paragraph, that too the first one. There are many such mistakes in the whole book you need to work on.

(I felt like an English teacher while writing this... Lmao)

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