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My childhood

One time my sister told me, I'm so glad you didnt grow up to fast, I'm glad you got to stay a child as long a possible. Really, she said this to me when I was 14. But what I remember saying back was not so plesent. I guess that was a breaking point for me. I remember we talking on the phone, and I began to say would it be a bad thing if I had. She said yes, she was glad that I stayed immature for so long. And I began to cry telling her that I wish I had grown up more. That I used to get teased for being immature and how I was told I needed to grow up ans stop acting like a baby. She wanted to know who told my that of course but obviously I didnt say. To this day, I still think about that. I get it now, she felt like she had to grow up fast bc she was raising us. But being immature for so long wasn't that great either. I mean, I carried a stuffed animal around until I was 12. I slept in my mother bed until I was 12 and then on the couch until I was 14. I only started sleeping in my own room at 14. Think about it. I've only been sleeping in that room for 4 years. I didnt start saying cuss words until I was 16 and I finally threw that rule out the window when I turned 18 and left home. But who would have though, the child who spent every summer for a week away from home at summer camp and in highschool spent every summer at an early college program would hate being away from home so much. I stayed on campus for 2 week. 2 weeks. Right got that. 2 weeks. And I felt miserable, isolated, and I was in my head so much that I couldn't even study. I know when I talk about my childhood I only notice the bad, sure my family fucked up with me a lot but I can't keep ignoring all the good. I mean my mother spent YEARS of her life in hospital with me driving me to and from appointments bc I was so sick. My father came home almost every weekend just to see us, he'd make a long a drive just to see him kids. My sister spent so much time with me as a kid that at one point in my life, she was the only one capable of hurting me emotionally bc I idolized her that much. I mean me and my brother used to game FOR HOURS when we were in middle school. I uses to spend the night with friends almost every other weekend, i went in vactions with my family every other summer and I enjoyed life. Sure, they said stuff that hurt but I can't forget all the good they did with me too. I mean look at me, I graduated a 3.8 honors student and I'm in college right now. They couldnt have fucked up to bad considering where I am now.  Parents make mistakes. Whenever someone points out and focuses on only our mistakes it hurts and we dont want to be defined by those mistakes. So why blame your parents for the stuff they messed up. Mine tried their best. Yes they messed up. But they raised me well and I hope one day I can be a good parent. Not everyone's parents are good. I know that, but I know mine tried their best and I'm proud to call them my parents. Even if in about a week they murder me for cutting my hair 😅