Reviews : a book where I try to review other books

18 | My beloved

By:

first impression:

It was great! I really like how you branch out one idea and giving examples. 

plot:

I wasn't sure where to mention this but I was getting a weird flow of events from the book. As if I was simply being told the situation by the character. 

I think putting more than her getting small pay, maybe fights for a silver coin, someone trying to rob someone in broad daylight, people asking for even the bones of the food some have eaten. I think this way it's showing not telling. I noticed how she always tells us readers how Anotonia was the poor town so I thought of pointing that out.

I also think the entire Vindicta was interesting but I didn't really like how she just mentions that. As if she was talking to someone in her head. Granted she's the narrator but she's not technically speaking directly to the reader so maybe have her think of something else related to it.

Like how the ships they were supposed to steal from delayed or didn't arrive as expected. Explain the entire Vindicta society by maybe having another character mention it or showing her meeting up with a large group of members from that soceity. 

pacing:

As I've mentioned in the first impression part, I liked how you branched out on an idea and gave examples. I think that consistency would make this book a whole lot better. It's already good just pointing this out. 

Like in the first chapter, the narration went from bodies to the economy. That's alright but put something to bridge one topic to another. Like maybe the narrator was guessing what the bodies died from, leading her to think about the cause of that reason of death and then mentioning how their economy is in shambles.

I see that you mentioned sickness in the last part but it can be easily overlooked so putting a clear bridge of the topics would help the flow. 

Other than that nitpick the rest of your pacing is really well written, the endings hook me to the next chapter, and I get intrigued by the introduction of one thing to another. You did amazing, author!

characters:

Okay so in chapter 3 there was a sudden heart to heart conversation between Titrana and Elizabeth and I have to be honest it felt too fast. 

I haven't gotten attached to these characters yet, I haven't seen what their relationship is like. How do they act around each other. I also haven't seen the strain between them, I don't feel like I am being heartbroken when they have this conversation. 

The lines I admit are great but because it was too fast and too early it feels like I was watching a play between of two side characters in a story. 

I feel like this scene would be more impactful if the reader has gotten a more firm grasp on their characters. 

Other than that I think Elizabeth has a sturdy character and Titrana could us more describing and that includes the other characters mentioned but other than that I think you've character down. 

dialogue:

"Remember what happened to david." This line sounds personal since she used remember so maybe not have her say the lines after that? Like after the david line she follows with "I don't know about you but I don't want to suffer the same fate as him."

You can add the description of what happened to him in her narration instead. 

Okay on a more broad note I think some lines feel too formal but I think it's just because of the setting and world this story is in. I would suggest as I have in other reviews to act or voice out the lines yourself, even just quietly, to help visualize whether it sounds right/natural. 

descriptions:

In the descriptions, I'll be less technical but comment more as a reader. 

I really admire how this book feels like and actual published book but I think what lacks is that each scene doesn't take it's time to describe certain things. Granted it is published in wattpad's format but I think describing setting and appearances through either dialogue or monologue can expand the world more and create a realistic feel to it. 

Like the man who gave her pay, he seems to be someone she have encountered more than once. I think saying even if he has a dirty beard or a scar would give him a lot of character already. Also, it could set what other people's lives are like in this world. 

Also just a nitpick but when mentioning about the children please mention that they're sleeping, I was literally thinking they were just standing like those two 'come play with us' girls in that scene. 

or if they're not, take more time what they look like, position, and state they're in through description and add the speculations of characters after or before cuz I was kinda left to imagine what the children were doing, Earlier in the chapter, as I read you described them later on. 

Is it compelling:

Definitely, yes. I think this would be such an intriguing read and also it got me hooked at the fourth chapter.

overalll:

I have to admit I kept getting an Arcane [the show] vibe from your book, maybe it was because there was a clear line between the privileged and the poor and tackles the problem through the latter's pov. 

I love how you wrote the scene with peter, now I don't mean I love that scene because I was glassy eyed reading it. I'm saying your writing was beautiful. The way you paced the story and build it up to the conflict made so much sense and was definitely compelling. 

The stakes were serious stakes that is sturdy and strong, fueling  the plot and giving the characters a reason to do things. 

Overall, I was in awe reading this book and deserves the recognition it's getting. I have nothing else to say. 

I hope this review didn't come off as rude and was helpful even just a little bit. Keep on writing, Have a good day/night, and farewell!