SECRET NATALIE.
"you don't have to come if you don't want to, love. it's okay." napalingon ako kay jungwon na tinutulungan akong mag-ayos ng gamit ko para sa runway mamaya.
pinapaalis ko na sya pero hindi naman sya nakikinig. ayokong nakikita nya ako na ganito.
"are you nervous? can you do it? hmmm?" tumango ako sa kanya ng dahan-dahan. he smiled a bit.
"you have to start preparing, love" he stood up beside me. inabot nya sa akin ang robe ko kaya tumayo ako at pumunta sa cr para maligo.
i am thankful because jungwon is here. kahit ilang beses ko syang itaboy i know.. with myself that i want him to be with me, to stay with me. kasi kapag nandito sya, i feel not alone. kapag mag-isa ako.. feeling ko may kung sino ang hahawak sa akin.. i am so afraid, the memories are still fresh in my mind.
ni hindi ko kayang maligo na naka hubad. i have to take a bath with my clothes on. when i closed the door of my bathroom, i felt alone again. i cried again. hindi na ako napapagod umiyak.
umiiyak akong naliligo kaya hindi na ako matapos-tapos. "love.. i am here, are you okay there? hmmm?" i heard jungwon knocked. i sighed. he's here sena... he's here. it's okay.
"please answer love, kinakabahan ako.." i pursed my lips para pigilan ang paghikbi ko. "i am okay.. patapos na ako" i tried my best so my voice won't cracked. i don't know how many minutes i stayed inside, pero sinubukan kong matapos lahat para makaalis na kami.
i wore an oversized sweater and a black leggins. hindi ko hinayaan na may lalabas na balat ko sa suot ko.
i sat on my vanity mirror para mag-ayos, and when i saw myself in the reflection i cried again.. i saw my neck where he kissed me.. ang baboy.. ang baboy nya! hayop sya!
kaya ko ba? kaya ko ba na tignan ako mamaya ng maraming pares ng mata? kaya ko ba kung naaalala ko ang tingin nya sa akin sa bawat mata na titingin sa akin mamaya?
it's my first runway.. kaya sinusubukan ko...
humugot ako ng malalim na hininga atsaka pinunasan ang mata ko. "hey, can i hug you?" i looked over jungwon na nakasandal sa pinto at nakatingin sa akin.
he was patiently waiting for my answer. i nodded slowly and he immediately gave me a hug. ibinaon ko ang ulo ko sa tyan nya dahil nakaupo ako at nakatayo sya.
i cried while he is busy rubbing his hand on my messy and wet hair.
"does it really hurt you? kung kaya ko lang kunin sayo yan, i will..."
"it scares me won.. it scares me" he stopped rubbing my hair. i think he got shocked because i finally tell him what i really feel.
"why? hmm?"
"he.. he.. he's a fucking animal. gusto kong paulit-ulit maligo won, ayoko na.. ayoko na maalala..." humigpit ang yakap nya sa akin. "tell me when you are ready, i am here, i am just here" paulit-ulit nya iyon na binulong sa akin hanggang sa tumahan ako.
BINABASA MO ANG
wrong move
Fanfictionyang jungwon, secret natalie jung's man of her dreams. she was his long-time secret admirer since they are in junior high school. entering college, fate let them crossed their paths into a higher chance than before. will secret can finally tell him...
