Just This Much

38: Love

In his whole twenty-four years of existence, Ki-Ryeong knew he made many terrible mistakes. The worst is the one he did to his girlfriend, and he knew it will haunt him for the rest of his life. It will plague his nightmares and punish him accordingly, but it was his selfishness who made him choose the same path that could possibly lead to the same scenario.

Maybe he isn't the hero of this story, but the crazy and obsessive villain who can't seem to let go of the heroine. He initially planned to help her be with someone better. A man who won't let her experience what the other Lilac went through... a man like Hwang Soonho.

But here he is, still the hard-headed fucker who keeps rebelling against fate. And if this time, there will be consequences again, he swore to do everything for it to befall onto him and not Lilac. 

The happiness he felt as she embraced him, when he never imagined of being held by her again, was indescribable. It became an addiction. She became a drug he can never give up. He may be ruining himself in the process but to hell with it! Perhaps, he'll just regret it when the time comes.

Another casualty of his selfish choice? Soonho. It seems like in every world they find themselves in, he had no choice but hurt this friend of his.

"So... are you two together now?"

His attention averted to Gun who's seated on the counter top across him. The guy accompanied Soonho, saying he needs to check up on him and Lilac, as well. They are in the kitchen, giving the other pair some privacy for their heart-to-heart talk.

"Yeah," he silently replied, looking straight into his best friend's eyes.

Gun nodded, drinking from the glass of water he offered earlier. The guy then suddenly snickered, "what the fuck just happened, bro? Last time I checked, you're this close to killing each other whenever you're in the same room! Don't tell me there was actually sexual tension mixed in there?"

He shrugged, "probably. Who knows?"

The former looked like he's still in disbelief, "what type of plot twist shit is this? You and Li? I didn't see this coming."

Kio chuckled and looked down his own glass—empty unlike Gun's. "What did Soonho say?," he finally asked, looking back up.

"Nothing. He was silent all the way here."

"I would've apologized, but I know he doesn't need it."

"And you'll just make him look more pathetic. Don't talk to him for now," Gun shook his head, putting the glass down his side. "He knew Lilac doesn't feel the same way towards him, with or without you in the picture, so he'll get over it soon."

"Still, I'm no better than him. I'm still in disbelief at times, that she chose me."

"Okay, hold up you asshole," his best friend suddenly quipped with a playful tone. "You're not the Ahn Ki-Ryeong I know. You should be gloating by now that Li fell into your trap! What the hell? This is new..."

He smirked, "I guess you're right."

"Idiot, of course I am! Seriously bro, what's happening with you?"

Right, what the hell is happening with him? He should be happy! He should stop doubting and worrying over things that haven't happened yet. This paranoia will just destroy his chance to truly be with Lilac again, and he can't let it win.

   

°.•⏳.°•

    

"Hey. You'll be fine, right?," his girlfriend looked up to him with her arms still around his waist, and his around hers. 

She is about to leave for her flight, her managers already waiting in the basement parking lot, but they can't seem to let go of each other. His heart felt so full. This was the type of scenario he has only seen in his dreams the past months, now here they are. They have bid farewells hundreds of times in his former world, but it feels like he's experiencing it for the first time again.

"Of course, I have a comeback to prepare for, anyway. While you're fulfilling your job as a dance mentor, I will be busy too."

A smile instantly stretched on his girlfriend's face. Ahh... girlfriend, it surely felt good calling her that way again. "But we'll keep in touch, right?"

"Right. I'll make sure of that." He carefully parted her bangs and dropped a peck on her forehead, the act so natural because he had done it for years.

"I'll see you in two weeks, then." She was about to release him and step back when he tightened his hold. "Hmm?," she looked up once again, her doll-like eyes catching the sunrays from the window across the room.

He almost melted.

"I love you." He watched in fascination as her eyes widened a bit, before her smile became even bigger. "I love you, Lilac."

"How much?," she laughingly asked, tilting her head. "How much do you love me, Ahn Ki-Ryeong?"

He was immediately reminded of how he would tell her, without any hesitation, 'so much, I love you so, so much,' back in the days. But did that ever matter? He could say an array of 'so's' and 'much's,' and still end up betraying her so don't they just become empty promises, then?

"Just this much," he finally answered, holding her hand and bringing it up his clothed chest, atop his fast beating heart. "I love you just this much—with every beat of my heart, and every bit of my being."

She chuckled, looking beyond satisfied of his response, "I love you too... just this much."

There—no false promises, only a statement of loving each other the best they can. No more, no less. Just the two of them and a love that won't ever be too much to the point of suffocation. A love that breathes and a love that feels safe.

And maybe, 'just this much' will be their own 'to the moon and back.'