The Gunner and the Florist (T)

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The Gunner and the Florist written by CrystalCallistral

The Gunner and the Florist written by CrystalCallistral

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i. COVER & TITLE

I'm not a huge fan of your current cover. I like the details and I do like the font, but it's just too dark to truly see what's going on. I'm not sure if you've obtained the highest-quality version, or if the darkness was something you opted for. I'd just like to remind you that logistics, as boring as they are, need to take precedence over almost all else when dealing with a cover. Big font, something readable and bright enough for us to see what's going on. If we can't quite see it, we can't quite enjoy it!

As for your title, I like the originality of it and how abstract it is. I think there is potential to make a little more sense of it. One of the most effective things you can do for your initial impression is put the title in the blurb somehow. This immediately gives readers a sense of connection and is a major push for them to put your book in their library.


ii. BLURB

I do see the work put into your blurb, and I do like how smooth it is. However, there are a few things I'd like to bring attention to. For one, your blurb is a little disconnected because of the choppy paragraphs and sentences. This can be a good thing, but you have to be careful that your blurb isn't too spread out, because then you get a problem with readers skimming too much. It's important to make your blurb short, but with a bit of breaking in between--not too much.

So relating that to your blurb, I think it needs to be condensed a little and streamlined. In addition, I think you need to relate the title to the blurb--because at this point the title means virtually nothing to us. Also, as much as I appreciate your hook, I don't think it's as effective as it could be. I think blurb hooks are best off with a one-liner. Your blurb starts beautifully, but it's a complex sentence that takes a moment to get the meaning from.

And lastly, your blurb, to me, didn't initially make a lot of sense. Blurbs are a great place to showcase your writing capabilities, but they need to be simple. People don't want to work to understand what's going on here. First, you say post-disaster Britain, but then you say they're in the middle of a war. You say 'along with his ties to this person, his only wish is to escape' which doesn't really make a lot of sense as a sentence. This often happens to blurbs when the author has edited them over and over again, to the point where they make sense to the writer but not to us anymore. I've done this too. When this happens, it's good to get someone in there to just point out the things that didn't make sense and steer you back on path.

So here's what I would do with your blurb. I'm streamlining and condensing, keeping in some of your original sentences, but also cutting up the organization to something that should end up more straightforward:

In post-disaster Britain, a monstrous war is brewing. And those caught in the middle can either struggle or thrive.

Lennox is one of those struggling. He's not exactly sure how to balance his failing family business with his judgemental and egotistical parents. It was practically impossible for him or his younger brother just to grow up normally. Lennox's only wish is to escape. And Ren might just provide it.

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