all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~37~ nick

I turn over in my bed. It's oddly hot in here because Clay keeps the house at sauna temperature. I throw off the comforter. I can't deal with this right now.

Someone laughs outside of my bedroom door. It's a familiar giggle. I listen more closely as it sounds from outside of my door. It might be my brain playing tricks on me, but I swear there's the faintest hiccup at the end.

A small knock on the door causes me to sit up. I stare in disbelief at the door. Only one person would ever knock on my door with that tune.

I make my way over to the door slowly. The guys have tried to get me to get out of my room for two weeks. Would they really go to these lengths to get me out though? That's almost cruel.

The same rhythm of knocks hit the door. I open it.

There she is. As beautiful as always there she is with her hand raised to knock again.

She smiles her same perfect smile. Her hair is a little messy as it hangs over her shoulders. She's wearing a white sundress. It seems vaguely familiar, but I'm not entirely sure.

"Taegan," I breathe out.

Her face twists into confusion. She glances to her right a bit, and he eyes grow wide.

She turns frantically back to me. Her mouth starts to opens to speak when a car whisks her away.

I scream.

My heart jumps as I'm hit with reality.

I'm still in my bed, covered in a cold sweat. The door is closed.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It wasn't real.

My whole body sinks down into the covers. If it was just a dream, then that means she's really gone. I sigh, glancing to my right. That was the side of the bed she always crawled into. I never minded. I changed the side table I kept my phone on to make it easier for her. I think she always appreciated that because it helped her not feel like a bother.

Although she was never a bother.

~ ~ ~

"Nick," someone whispers in the dark of my room. "Nick."

I roll over to the sound of the voice. "What?" I grumble.

My eyes try to adjust in the dark. The window lets in just enough moonlight for me to make out a dark silhouette. There's hair piled on top of the person's head in a messy bun.

I smile a bit. Neither Clay nor George have enough hair, so it must be one other person.

"Can we cuddle?" Taegan asks quietly.

I roll back over to the left side of the bed. My phone's light blinds me for a second before I can read the time.

I turn back to her. "Did you really just wake me up at four in the morning to cuddle?"

"Yes." I can't see her completely, but I can tell there's a blush scattered across her face.

I move over to make more room. I place one welcoming arm out towards her. "Come here."

She giggles a bit before getting into the bed. She snuggles into my chest and looks up to my face. She puts one hand up to my cheek.

I pull back a bit. "Your hands are so cold," I whisper.

"Shut up," she giggles again, "you love it."

I give her a kiss on the head and pull her close. She's right. I do love her.

~ ~ ~

I let out a shaky breath. I sit up in the bed and lean over to the side table. I open the drawer to pull out a box.

The moonlight catches on the diamonds just right. The perfect ring for the perfect girl. Both one of a kind.

"Oh, Taegan." I whisper as I lay back in the bed.

As usual, sleep doesn't find me after my nightmares. I sigh before tiptoeing out of my room.

All the lights in the house are off, so I think I'm in the clear for not having to talking to people. I make my way down to the kitchen.

The kitchen is dark, but I don't bother turning the lights on. I open the fridge. I search it for food but am in no look. I look to the right for a water bottle. In the little light it provides, I realize there's another person in the room.

I jump and turn towards the figure.

"What are you doing down here?" I ask. My hand is over my heart as if it'll stop it from beating so fast.

"Eating cereal," Alex replies simply.

"In the dark?"

In the refrigerator's light I can see him shrug.

I turn around again and grab the water.

"You're out of your room," Alex inquires.

I hum a yes in response. I close the fridge and make my way to the seat next to him in the dark.

"You missed it," he says once I'm sitting down, "Vegas pooped on the bottom stair today, and Clay stepped in it."

I chuckle a bit, messing with the cap of my water. "I bet he was mad."

"Pissed." Alex laughs as he remembers, "He had to hobble on one leg to clean it up himself too because we were all laughing too much."

I bet he was really mad then.

I don't really respond to Alex, but I don't think he minds. He just gets up from the counter and puts his bowl into the dishwasher. He pauses when he's about to leave the kitchen.

"I'm leaving later this week," he tells me, "Just thought it was time I got some normalcy, but we should hang out a little more before I go."

"That sounds nice," I say, actually meaning it.

He says a goodnight before going back upstairs. I sit there in the dark kitchen until I finish my water.

I'm kind of grateful that he didn't bring up Taegan. Every time someone has talked to me since the accident, it's been about her or trying to force me to eat. I don't know why but it makes me not want to leave my room even more.

I sigh, thinking about the reality of it all. Alex leaves soon, and I wasted all my time in my room. I'm missing out on Clay stepping in dog poop because I've wasted so much time in my room. What else have I missed, and what will I miss by being in my room?

I can't spend the rest of my life there. I have to move on eventually. It's a scary thought because it means letting go, but beginning to move on doesn't mean all at once. I can do it one step at a time. Maybe it's time that I take that first step.

~author's note~

taegan waking him up at 4am to cuddle is the cutest thing to me honestly

we're going to have some of my favorite chapters coming up :))