Breaking the Silence

Nine

The next day I was cautious. I hurried through my morning routine, wanting to be early, but I didn't skip over covering myself up. I arrived at the high school twenty minutes prior to my first hour and slid into my seat at the back of the room. No one was in there, so I relaxed in the peacefulness of the silence. I pulled out my notebook and math textbook, using my time to work on some homework.

Yesterday, I skipped the rest of my classes. I couldn't bring myself to go back inside, but going home wasn't an option either. Instead, I walked in the general direction of my house, but stopped at a cute little park. I spent four or five hours there.

I mostly sat on the swing, enjoying the scenery and listening to music. But after a while, I noticed on the East end of the area, the park bordered a white picket fence, separating it from a widespread pasture. I'd walked over and discovered the field housed a few horses. They'd stared at me when I approached the fence, but seemed uninterested after a moment, returning to their lazy grazing. Smiling, I squeezed between the fence boards and sat down against it. I pulled out my notebook and began sketching them.

I wasn't an artist of any sorts, so it wasn't a gorgeous drawing or anything. But, flipping to the page now, I could see that it resembled a horse. Mostly. I tried my best.

I spent the rest of my hours at the park just sitting there, hanging out with the animals. They got a few feet closer to me over time, but not enough to pet. Besides, I didn't know who they belonged to, and sitting on that side of the fence was already trespassing. So I stuck to sketching and staring and just relaxing in the September air on the last of the green grass.

The horses were free, or as free as one could get living in a fenced-in pasture. They were at least freer than I was. I liked that. I think that's why I enjoyed sketching them.

Sighing, I returned to my math homework. When I got to my tenth problem written out, a shuffling noise sounded to the left of me. Without looking up I knew Jaycee was there.

"Hey!" She said happily, as if I were the reason she had decided to get up that morning and go to school. "Are you doing better today?"

I looked up and gave a half smile before returning to my math.

"Well, you look better!" We both knew I had everything covered with makeup. She pretended not to notice. In my peripheral, I saw her lean over the aisle. "Are you doing math? At," she pauses to check the time, "6:52 in the morning?" She shudders, "gross!"

I hold back a giggle. Sometimes, when you have homework, you just gotta get it done! I didn't tell her that though. I just shrugged and kept working.

"Well I -"

"Good morning everyone!" Mrs. Holland exclaimed cheerfully as she entered the room, a few books clutched in her arms. Jaycee was forced to turn in her seat and shut her mouth closed.

I quietly closed my notebook and textbook, returning them to my bag. Mrs. Holland quickly took attendance before reporting a list of announcements. Most of them revolving around Homecoming prep and sports accomplishments.

Every time I looked up, her eyes were on me. She'd glance away quickly when I caught her eye, but when I'd look down for a while and then lift my head back up, it was the same. Some sort of wheels were turning in her head and it probably had something to do with my black and blue face and rushing away yesterday. I decided to just keep my eyes down for the rest of her speaking time.

When she completed everything on her list, she let us out, but as I reached for my backpack and prepared to dash out the door, she spoke up. "Eirenae, do you mind staying a second?"

She didn't pronounce my name right, causing Jaycee to sniffle a snort by covering it with a cough. I glared at her, trying to distract my pounding heart. Mrs. Holland waited for her to leave before she approached my desk.

"How are you doing?" The question startled me. That was not what I was expecting from this visit. She waited for a response I couldn't give. I just stared at the lines in the wood on my desk in front of me.

"I just want to let you know that I, and all your teachers, are here for you if you ever need anything." Her voice was gentle, and the strain made me feel as though she thought about elaborating. But she didn't. I merely nodded before gripping my backpack and slinging it over my shoulder. I got out of there as fast as I could.

She suspected. She had to. Why else would she have been staring at me the entire time before asking me to stay, only to tell me that she's there for me? I clenched my fists together, attempting to still my shaking arms. Last time a teacher suspected, they approached Jack. The next day, we were gone.

I didn't want to move again. For once, I actually liked where we lived. And as much as this could kill me anyway, I liked Jaycee and her sister. They cared more than anyone at any other school my entire childhood. No, I couldn't leave here. I needed them. They gave me hope.

I may not trust Jaycee enough to let her take care of me, to take me away from my home, but I liked her enough to let her work at breaking down my guarded walls.