Bits of Chemistry | ✓

Kabanata 29

TW: domestic violence, Mention of abuse, sexual harassment.

Kabanata 29

The lack of remorse in her face made my skin bristled, as if illusory tiny spiders crawled on my body. Ang mukha n'ya noon na matapang ay walang kupas pa rin. She looked frail and old however her uptight appearance was still intact. Even the unkempt yellow shirt seems dull on her entire frame.

Umupo ako sa harap n'ya, dahan-dahan upang mas mabigyan siya ng oras na kabahan man lang. Umangat ang tingin n'ya sa akin na tila ba tinatansya n'ya ako. She did not flinch or even blink. Nanatiling blangko ang itsura n'ya.

"Aw," she remarked and leaned on her chair. "Hindi mo kasama si Etienne? Sayang. I was looking forward to seeing him again."

My jaw clenched, anger rising in my chest. I wanted to hurt her badly but I need to calm down. Nandito ako upang makausap siya. I want to know something. I want to confirm something from her.

"You'll never see him again. I'll make sure of that," I said, my eyes turning to slits. "Kaya nga ako ang nandito, hindi kita hahayaan na habangbuhay siyang mumultuhin."

A smug smile appeared on her face. Pinagdaop n'ya ang kan'yang mga palad bago ako titigan nang diretso sa mga mata.

She sighed, "The pictures, ako ang nagpakalat n'on. Although, I wasn't able to touch him the way I wanted to — I made sure that everyone would think I did. At kahit naman baguhin n'ya ang tingin ng iba at itago sa kanila ang tungkol dito, Etienne would forever carry the burden of being silent because no one would believe him. People would doubt his truth."

"You're even proud of what you've done?" angil ko sa kan'ya, hindi makapaniwala kung saan siya humuhugot ng kagagahan n'ya.

I clenched my fist, I could feel my fingernails dipping on my palm. Her aging face creepily created a wider smile.

"I made him watch videos and told me that one of those days, gagawin ko lahat 'yon sa kan'ya." Halakhak n'ya at pinilig pa ang kan'yang ulo paitaas, tila mamamatay na sa sobrang tuwa. "I burned his arms, legs and would sometimes smack him in the face. And he can't fight back. For some reason, he didn't even tell his parents about it until the pictures were leaked."

Her laughter reverberated through the empty halls, sending chills in my spine. Kahit si Snyder na tahimik na nanonood sa amin ay napailing.

"Bakit mo 'yon ginawa? Don't you know that until now he's still traumatized? You told me you didn't touch him but your handprints are scattered all over his entire existence like some filth he can never clean. . ." I gasped for air as I opted not to shout.

Pinilit kong maging kalmado ngunit sa itsura n'yang walang pagsisisi ay lalo lamang kumukulo ang aking ulo.

Some people would do bad things, would say bad words, and even hurt you in the most detrimental way possible — and they won't feel sorry for it. They would never apologize for the way they treated you horribly. Even a half assed apology would not come out from their mouths. Mauuna pang matunaw ang buong mundo bago ang puso nila.

I sighed exasperatedly to myself. 'Yon na yata ang pinakamahirap sa lahat. Ang magpatawad ng taong kailanman ay hindi humingi ng tawad sa iyo.

The way it would pierce your heart —that some people lack empathy and compassion to admit their mistakes so they won't repeat it again. Some people just don't like you or value you enough for them to lower their pride and tell you that they're sorry. Kung minsan pa nga ay may kasama pa itong paninisi.

I treated you like shit because you did this. I did that to you because you made me. You deserved it because you did this to yourself. And in the end, you blame yourself for being inept to accept that people won't apologize if they truly don't feel like they did you wrong.