Can it be? | Pansy Parkinson

XXII- Cooking&Panic

Anna's POV

We walked inside, staying quiet at first as to not wake Ms.Black, and for once, Tonks didn't make anything fall. We walked further in, to the living room where they all were. The Weasley's and my brother were sleeping, Ms. Weasley didn't seem to have arrived yet. Sirius looked up to and smiled. He got up and embraced me quietly.

"Hey Anna."

"Hey Pads. Are they okay?"

"Yeah, it took them a while to fall asleep. They're pretty worried."

"I get why. I hope M.Weasley's gonna be okay."

"We all do, A."

Fred started to move and opened his eyes slowly, they were still slightly red. I gave him a small smile and he nodded, probably not having the energy to smile. His movement woke up Ginny who seemed more shaken than I had ever seen her. She gave me a weak smile and sat up, moving George off of her. Ron and Harry slowly opened their eyes as well.

"Well, I'm going to make breakfast," Sirius said. "You kids want anything?"

I followed him to the kitchen but we only found eggs and bread. It could be sufficient, but more would always be appreciated. Sirius looked slightly helpless as he tried to start cooking. I took the pan from his hands and he seemed frustrated.

"I can cook pretty well. Actually I saw a muggle store at the end of the street the first time we came here, I can go take some food there, I have muggle money."

"How come you have money? The Dursley never give us any," Harry spoke up from the doorway.

"It's not like they know I have some. There are other ways to get money than be given some by your... caretakers."

"Anna-" I shot him a glare, silently telling him to shut up.

"I can go to the store."

"You're not going outside."

"I can take are of myself, Pads."

"I could go with her," Harry said.

"No. You're not going without an adult."

"Well Tonks could come with us." Sirius stayed silent and I called Tonks. They came in and asked what was going on. "Could you do us the honour of escorting my brother and I to the muggle store at the end of the street? It's like three houses from here."

"Yeah sure, I don't mind. I don't know how muggles work though."

"Well, Harry and I are experts so, everything should be fine."I looked back at Sirius, expecting him to say something. He looked between us and sighed in defeat. 

"Fine, you can go. But be careful, and Tonks, be as bland as possible, we don't want unecessary attention alright?"

"Alright." Tonks turned their hair a natural brown colour and gave us a smile. "Let's go then."

Harry and I followed behind her and I directed them towards the store. We got in and I smiled as I heard the music. Music surely was one of my favourite things about the muggle world. I nodded at the cashier and took some food. I paid for the food and left the store, Harry and Tonks both holding a bag. I smiled as I heard the laughter of children down the other road, there was probably a playground. How I wished Harry and I had been brought to one as kids without getting bullied and harassed by the others, always led by Dudley.

"Anna," Harry whispered harshly next to me. I hummed in response. "Did you steal the bloody money."

"I don't know, did I?" I gave him a smug smile but dropped it as I saw his angry face. "They didn't need it Harry. It's not a big deal."

"Nothing ever is with you." I stopped as Harry stomped forward. Tonks put their hand on my shoulder but I didn't even acknowledge it. I walked back to Sirius' house and walked directly to the kitchen. While I was cooking, Sirius watching me and Harry with the Weasleys, Ms.Weasley came in. She looked absolutely exhausted.

"How's dad?" Ginny asked.

"He'll be okay," she answered. She walked towards me.

"Please, Ms.Weasley, let me cook, you need to rest." As if to prove my point, she didn't even try to argue and just sat down, her kids soon joining her. I put the breakfast on the table and we all dug in in silence.

"I want to see dad," Ron said.

"We can go see him once we've finished breakfast."

Once everyone was done, Ms.Weasley got up and asked who wanted to come. All her kids and my brother got up, but I stayed down. I wasn't up to go to the hospital yet and I didn't feel like it was my place to go.  Once they left it was only Sirius, Tonks and me.

"I'm gonna unpack my things," I said as I got up and walked up to my room. 

I put on one of Dudley's old shirt and took out the clothes I wore most. I sat down on my bed and looked down at my hands. I replayed the way Pansy acted with me after I picked a fight with Malfoy and Harry's words, saying nothing ever was a big deal with me. I knew why he said it, I always acted like I didn't care, I didn't even let myself be vulnerable around him anymore. Yet it hurt. I didn't mean to be so cold, I didn't want to scare my friends away because of my anger I didn't want to become like the people I hated most. The first tears hit my hands and I put them in my hair, burying my face in my knees. My face scrunched up as I tugged on my hair. I didn't want to cry, shit. It felt like a hurricane of feelings stormed in my heart, expending to my lungs and making it hard to breathe. My heart hurt, it felt like someone's hand was tightening itself around it. Normally my heart would pump out the blood but it felt like it was bleeding. It bled in my lungs, in my head. I was drowning. My thoughts were poison. I wanted to get them out, I needed to get them out but I couldn't scream. Even if I were alone my lungs, would not allow me to get it out. I hit my head and opened my mouth in a silent scream. 

I don't know I long it took for me to fall asleep but when I woke up I felt the dried tears on my face hurting. I felt absolutely drained and my heart was still heavy. I turned on my back and put my arms behind my head, starring at the ceiling. I hadn't one episode like this in a while, I hadn't missed it. I grunted and got up. I rinced my face with cold water and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were slightly red and my hair looked absolutely awful. I put them in a ponytail to make it look presentable. I went back downstairs and heard the Weasley's voices. When I walked in the kitchen, Ms.Weasley was making supper.

"Oh, Anna dear, could you set the table please?"

"Of course."

I set the table rapidly. The Dursley would've been pleased with how fast I worked for once. I called out for the others once Ms.Weasley was done with cooking. They all came rushing and we dug in. Even if the mood was better than this morning, it was still quite heavy. I took care of cleaning the dishes, telling Ms.Weasley that she deserved to rest. Padfoot helped me and I went to my room. Ginny was already sleeping, the emotions were exhausting. I sat next to the window and admired the moon. It was such a shame something so beautiful could affect others in such awful ways. I hoped Moony would come over during the holidays. Hopefully he would come for Christmas, I had a gift for him.