MAGNETIC [H.S.]

33. got my devotion*

songs:
where'd all the time go- dr. dog
moon river- frank ocean
fine line- harry styles

I felt for Harry, I really did. I knew he was killing himself trying to get out of this gig that we started as kids and trying to be a good guy for Ashton. He was also trying to do the job he loved, and help people make music. He was trying to do it all, and it was wearing on him.

I never saw his jaw unclench unless Ash was around, which was such a nice change from the way things used to be. The way he was around her now reminded me of how he used to smile when he fucked her, but she could see it now. The fighting was over, their constant need to rip each other open and pick at healing wounds had passed, and now they could just be content in each other's company. They could thrive in each other's presence. We got to see Harry's charm now, he wasn't just reserving it for strangers.

When we were all together, he was so good. He was lively and fun, he didn't need as many drinks in him to loosen him up. The last time I'd seen him so relaxed and care-free was when I was chasing him through the streets of New York after a drunken night. Found him in front of some Japanese market laying in front of the sign. What a fuckin' night.

Now he pulled her into his lap and I'd watch his fingers play with the ends of her hair, and I'd watch him watch her and wonder just how long they fought this. How could they have ever thought that hating each other was right when they were so perfectly meant to burn the world down together. You looked at them and no matter what, whether they were arguing over pizza toppings, or chasing each other out of bars, or just sitting on the couch together laughing at something on a screen, you just thought "Right, that's what love looks like."

I hoped that's what people thought when they looked at G and I. I hoped we looked like the universe couldn't pull us apart.

I think we do, still feels that way at least.

New York summers are always brutal, and the studio was so hot during the day with all the machines running, that we started working mostly at night or very early morning when it was bearable. I kind of loved those few months though, the city was still noisy but the birds were out too and I swear they'd follow me to work, just chirping away before the sun had even started to rise. If we worked late at night one of us would grab takeout or greasy pizza and we'd work in almost silence, mixing and tweaking with our huge headphones on to block out the world.