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Cleo Horan

I was feeling really damn awkward and I had no idea how to be cordial in a situation like this. I didn't know what could be considered normal or not, but I promised Harry I would help with Gemma and I had to figure this shit out because he needed me.

Harry wasn't in a good place, he was too worried about what Gemma would think of him and I could understand his anxiousness. I mean, he found his big sister and so many years had passed... they were completely different people now and I just knew both of them were worried about what the other would think.

I personally thought Harry shouldn't tell her the whole truth about himself because I'd been overthinking about it, and I wanted us to talk a bit more... I knew he didn't feel ready but we had to think about the whole picture, and I often forgot how dangerous it was to be around us.

Maybe just said he was adopted by some rich family in New York and leave it like that... if he wanted to tell about Anne, it was up to him. This was all up to him and he would decide, I just wanted to make sure he was aware.

And we could tell her the truth about Ash maybe? Well, we had to explain why she was attacked and murdered, maybe Harry could pretend that Zayn, or maybe even me, had connections with Ash.

That way he'd exclude himself from the narrative and pretend he was as normal as her, but not because he should feel ashamed of what she would think, but this would be way too much for her to process and she also wasn't okay.

And I remembered the tiny detail that we were wanted by the fucking FBI, and I wouldn't want to drag my sister into this mess if I were in his place.

Telling Gemma the whole truth meant compromising her, and this wasn't fair.

This wasn't about being honest, it was decency. No one deserved to be forced into our world, especially now with all this Liam shit going on. If he knew about Gemma then it was another thing for him to use against Harry.

She was here to talk to her brother and explain why the fuck she never said anything to him if she always remembered who he really was in the first place. I knew this was none of my business, but I couldn't help but feel wary about this because of Anne.

All these important people in Harry's life hid something from him somehow... things that could actually make a huge fucking difference and that he had the right to know.

It was still hard for me to believe that his sister was here, though. I was very happy for him, don't get me wrong. I was just worried because this was a lot of pressure on him and he was already struggling with the truth about being trafficked and Anne being alive. It felt like it all piled up on top of him, that's why he broke down in the living room.

Seeing him crying always broke me, and the way he was fighting so hard trying to keep a strong front, as if talking about what he was feeling would somehow make him weak, just made my heart hurt.

Harry grew a lot and I knew he was used to being open about himself, I admired that a lot about him. I didn't want him to pretend to be someone else, I just thought it would be safer to leave the murders and drug deals out of the equation so maybe Gemma could continue living a normal life after this.

Once you got tangled in this chaos, there was no way out.

Gemma dated a drug dealer and she didn't know, but discovering the truth about Harry and me would only drag her down even deeper, this wasn't as simple as selling drugs. If she was my sister, I'd want her to stay as far away from me as she could, because I was well aware of the baggage I carried along with me.

I mean, my fucking brother died because of me and he was aware of what I did, Niall wasn't oblivious like Gemma. If I could go back in time I would've asked Niall to run away and never look back. I would tell him that wherever I went, death followed... and I fucking wished I could've properly said my goodbyes.

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