Care For Me ✔️

T W E N T Y - S I X - JACK

J A C K

TW

Anxiety floods through my veins as my body is wracked with tremors. You can do it Jack, tell her. I want to tell her so badly, but I'm scared. I'm so fucking terrified. I don't want her to think less of me, less than she already does. She'll look at me like I'm damaged, like I'm broken. Even though those words ring true, I don't think I could handle pity in her gaze or worse disgust.

I am disgusting. The things he's done to me, the unimaginable things that my own father has inflicted on my scarred and beaten body. He's broke me, mind, body and soul.

I stare at the clear blue rivers of the small lake a head of me. Overthinking every possible scenario that could come from me releasing my truths to my baby sister. My baby sister who has faced the same monsters as I. The same monsters who could potentially do worse if they ever found out I'd spoken.

In the midst of my panic I feel small fingers interwinding with my own, my eyes filling with unwanted tears as the gesture. My pale blue eyes lock on to Lily's, my vision hazed as I rapidly blink back the tears. The warmth of her gaze and her hand holding mind giving me the small amount of confidence needed to begin. I remove my eyes from hers and stare out at the lake, taking a deep breath as I will the words to come.

"What do you want to know Lil?"

The nickname slipping out so easily, that I barely even noticed I'd said it.

"Everything."

Everything. Where do I even begin. How do I even begin. Tell her Jack, you can do it.

Breathe. Just breathe.

"Okay, I'll start from the beginning"
_______________________________

"I guess it started when I was born, maybe even before then." Lily's eyebrows furrow as confused fills her gaze, I paid no mind to it. She'll be more confused as the story of my life, the story of our life goes on. "We had an older sister, you probably won't remember her. Her name was Jenna, she was everything to our parents, they loved her more than we could ever imagine."

The shock on Lily's face would've been funny if the story wasn't so heart wrenching. I know exactly what she's thinking- those monsters can love? Yup. Just not us.

"Something happened to Jenna, she must've been around twelve at the time. She had been diagnosed with an illness and needed a transplant, the illness itself would require her to need multiple transplants for the next few years. That's where I come in. I was never wanted Lil, I was needed."

I can feel my eyes well up again causing me to realise a shuddering breath as I held back a sob. How I wish to be wanted. I feel Lily giving my hand a gentle squeeze. She's here, I've got Lily. I can do this.

"They decided to have me to save her. I'm a donor baby. So for the first three years of my life I donated organs, my organs to Jenna. Blood, bone marrow, even a kidney. Jenna got better, her illness no longer weakening her due to the transplants. But the issue was I was still there. Our parents never hurt me, not at first. They just acted as though I never existed. I was lonely, so lonely."