Seeing Red - BokuAka

4. Body Progress

Bokuto stared out the window of the cafe he was in, impatient. His sisters were both using the bathroom and he had barely started talking to them yet.

"Sorry! We were talking."

Bokuto stuck his tongue out at his oldest sister. "Whatever."

"Ko is grumpy~"

Bokuto just sat back and huffed. "Why do you have to talk in the bathroom?"

"Because we were gossiping."

Bokuto perked up. "Oh?"

"Mhmm!" Kenji opened her purse. "Do they have hot chocolate here?"

"I think so."

"Nice."

Kiri yawned. "So, what have you been up to?"

"Working. The gym."

"Boring."

"What have you guys been up to then?"

"Well I got pregnant and Kiri is looking for a wife."

Bokuto went to pick up his phone but paused. "You what?"

"I'm pregnant."

Kiri grinned. "When a man and a woman love each other-"

"Stop! I know how sex works. Congrats Kenji." Bokuto giggled. "I'm an uncle. Do you know the sex of the baby?"

Kenji shook her head. She did look tired so the pregnancy explained it. "I want to wait."

Bokuto just nodded back. Their conversation lasted for hours and he had to hold back from telling them about the meetings with Akaashi. He wanted to confide in them the information about his body and how he was taking steps towards accepting his body a bit more. How he let himself be touched.

He hadn't been held like that in so long and he was so proud of himself. His sisters weren't allowed to touch him until a few years ago because of his thoughts about being touched and the fact that he was able to trust a stranger with himself made him so happy. He was getting better.

"Ko, you're spacing out and probably scaring that old lady." Kenji gently moved Bokuto's chin so he faced her. "You feeling okay there?"

Bokuto nodded. He smiled nervously. "I like my face being touched."

She let go and smiled. "I didn't know that."

Bokuto hummed. "My body is weird."

Kiri chuckled. "Sure bud. I need to get home but this was fun! See you guys in a month?"

"Just like always." Bokuto stood and helped Kenji up and gave her the bag at her feet. "Maybe somewhere that has a bit more of a selection of caffeine free drinks?"

"That would be amazing."

Bokuto walked his sisters to their cars, glad for the fact that he got the height gene to make them feel safer. He went home as well and ate properly before putting scar cream over his chest just in case. The rest of the night before bed was spent taking care of himself and watching his favorite shows too, boosting his mood.

When he woke up in the morning it wasn't nearly as good as the night before. He woke up hours earlier than before and he clung to a pillow, in tears. His stomach was in knots and twisted every time he was in a bad position. Bokuto went to the bathroom and changed out his boxers and shorts. He had to sit through the process of changing and putting a pad on the underwear he wished never had to hold the medical product.

It hurt him in more than his lower stomach to see the item he despised. When he was twelve and his mother told him he was a woman now that he bled between his legs it had felt just like this. Every month felt like this.

The dysphoria from getting his period made him want to stay in bed for a week. It wasn't like he could do much else. He pushed through the pain to put a towel down and laid down in bed. He couldn't get back to sleep and even when Kuroo called he wouldn't answer, too invested in keeping himself calm. Kuroo wouldn't understand. Kuroo didn't know.

They might have been friends but Bokuto didn't know how to tell Kuroo the secret no one saw. It was extremely nerve wracking to think of what Kuroo would say. What anyone would say.

Bokuto just kept quiet and cried to his empty room. He had to go to work like this. He had to function like this.

He managed through getting redressed and packing his bag differently. It hurt to even move but he pushed through everything. He got to work and helped people around the store he worked in, legs barely holding his frame as he talked and laughed with customers.

People were usually kind to him but his body was not.

His body demanded things from him that he wasn't able to keep up with while some people were gentle with him and were patient. He wanted a patient body. He wanted a nice body. He wanted a boy's body.

This was too much anymore. Why was he supposed to go through this pain? Why did he hire prostitutes to comfort him when they needed to get money from something other than laying with him? Why did he feed his bad habits and push himself?

Going home was a struggle too and he took a bath, warming himself in the bath. His stomach eased up a bit and he stayed there. Sleep came slightly easier that night and he was able to relax.

There were no sessions with Akaashi for another two weeks just in case of any leakage and the hesitance with touch. He just focused on getting comfortable.

When he went to go check if Akaashi was there when he was feeling better he wasn't working and wouldn't be working for a week. Which meant no cuddling. No progress.

No progress...