Just This Much

42: Ugly

His brother kept talking but he heard none of his words. Nothing but his labored breathing filled his ears, deafening him. He went in a daze and the words 'visit their graves,' kept repeating in his head... over and over again.

"Have you eaten?," Kihyun tapped his back, pulling him out of the trance.

"I- I need to rest, hyung."

"Are you okay? Sleep first, we'll talk tomorrow."

He wordlessly picked up his backpack and walked towards his room. The moment he's inside, he dropped the heavy bag and went straight to the adjoining bathroom. Once he was sure the shower could conceal the sound of his sobs, he finally let go. He slumped down the floor and covered his face with both hands, as his shoulders trembled with every painful cry escaping his lips.

Ever since he arrived in this world, he never once asked about his parents. He never checked, or even bothered to call. He was so preoccupied with Lilac, that he never even considered the possibility that maybe... maybe there's someone missing here too.

That's why the members only mentioned his brother, never his parents. He should've noticed. How can he be so ignorant? Should he blame the world, then? Or himself? 

Should he be angry to whoever is in charge of his life? Or should he loathe himself for always taking the people around him for granted? Why is he always like this? Why can't he learn his lesson? He did the same thing once, to Lilac, and now to his parents. This is why the world kept punishing him.

Fuck. I don't know. I don't know anymore. I want to go home. Mom... she'll know what to do. She always know what to do.

"Mom... Mom, what should I do? You're not here..." he cried out like a wounded child. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"Ki-Ryeong?," his brother's voice resounded from the other side of the door, followed by heavy knocks. "Kio? Hyung is here. I'll come inside and hug you, okay?" There was a crack in his voice but knowing his brother, he's probably doing his best to control his emotions right now. The door was pushed open, and Kihyun wasted no time to kneel and pull him into a hug.

"What did I tell you? Call me right away when the nightmares come back. You don't have to bear everything alone," his brother squeezed him tight, triggering more tears.

Will he really be able to stay, now that it came to this? It's a choice between Lilac and his parents at this point—people who are equally important in his life. Lilac may be his whole world... but his mom and dad is his gravity. They're the ones who keep him grounded. He may not be able to talk to them everyday, but knowing that they're around, that they're back home living in comfort, is enough to reassure him and give him strength.

He calmed down after a couple more minutes, then his brother supported him back inside the room. He sat down his bed, feeling heavy and exhausted.

Kihyun sat on his gaming chair and slid it in front of his defeated figure. The guy's red-rimmed eyes had a look of sympathy for his younger brother. "You haven't told them?," he silently asked.

Kio looked up, "told them what?"

"The real cause of your anxiety. I've been telling you, I think it's better if they know—especially your boss. I know you think you're okay, but these relapses tell us otherwise." He willed himself to keep a straight face and not let his older brother see his cluelessness. "Your trauma is starting to affect your work, this can't keep up and you need to accept it. Stop being hard-headed."

Trauma?

There's something he still doesn't know, he's certain about that. Does Hei-won know? Did he intentionally keep it from him?

It was as if he summoned the devil, because in no time, there's a buzz from the main door before short beeps followed. Only the members knew what his passcode is and among them, the one who's most likely to check up on him the second he heard that he's back, was Hei—possibly with Aera, too.

His brother stood up and went out to greet the guests. He didn't bother to go with him, and just waited for the figures to come back.

"I'll leave you three to talk," Kihyun said before leaving him with the couple.

"Why didn't you tell me?," he went straight to the point as he narrowed his eyes towards his friend.

Hei-won let out a deep breath and was about to respond when Aera beat him to it; "I was the one who told him not to."

His glare averted to the girl, "why? So you could brainwash me into staying here permanently and destroying the hourglass? Didn't you think I deserve to fucking know?!"

"Careful with your tone, Ahn Ki-Ryeong. That's my girlfriend, you're talking to," the older guy pointedly uttered.

Aera held her boyfriend's arm, easing his agitation, and stepped closer to Kio. "Look, I knew it's going to be hard for you to decide if you find out. We saw how desperate you are to be with Lilac, didn't you already choose to stay? In the first place, you didn't even care if your parents are—"

"Aera," Hei-won tried preventing her to say more, knowing her next words could possibly hurt the boy's feelings. But his girlfriend is too adamant to put the youngest into his rightful place.

"What? It's the truth! Lilac is the only one who matters, right? As long as she's alive here, then you'll stay. Right, Ki-Ryeong?"

The girl's words were like a hard punch on his gut. Yes, it's the truth. Right from the start, only Lilac mattered to him and no one else. Her existence was the only one he made sure to check when he first arrived here, and that just proved how much of an ungrateful son he is.

"Is this the reason why the other Kio asked to be sent to another world? Did you know about his trauma?"

Hei-won momentarily closed his eyes before opening them again, "yes. We're the only ones who knew. He was there when your parents were killed. He was around ten, Kihyun spent summer vacation at your grandma's, so Kio was left at home with your parents. They were murdered right before his eyes. It traumatized him."

"Jesus Christ," Ki-Ryeong breathlessly muttered, raking his fingers through his hair to calm himself down. "Who would murder them? I'm... We're from a middle-class family, I don't remember either of my parents having enemies."

"I remember Kio saying that your father testified against some politician in Busan a year prior, and the man was sent to prison. But it turns out, he had allies left outside and they're the ones who targeted your parents."

"Did he ever have an anxiety attack back then, too?"

Hei-won shook his head, "none that I know of. He might have been hiding it, he never wanted anyone to know. He only decided to tell me when he found out about the hourglass and the parallel worlds."

"And it was to convince you to help him switch with me?," he then concluded.

"He needs to be with his parents again, and you need to be with Lilac," Aera added. "And now, you both got what you need. You don't have to worry about—"

"Aera, please! At least take the boy's feelings into consideration!" Hei inevitably snapped.

"No, don't you shut me up! He's a grown ass man and he needs to face the truth! If he keeps dawdling, not only Lilac will be at risk but you, too! You can't expect me to let him delay this. The hourglass needs to be destroyed as soon as possible!" 

She went right in front of Kio and heartlessly looked at him, "I know it's hard, I know. But this is not the time for you to be weak-hearted. Decide now, Ki-Ryeong. Will you stay or will you leave?"

Maybehe really is the ugly man and Lilac is that girl who comes to his castle topick flowers. Just like in that tale... their story is meant to have a sad ending.