Reaching You

Chapter 32: Paige

I lay down on the empty bed, feeling lost. Ryder had given me some space after yesterday. I was barely able to sleep last night. Questions of what-ifs kept me up all night. Ryder was a risk in life. There would be no one else in the world who could make me feel happier but no one else who could hurt me more. We both knew that the mate bond could unintentionally hurt wolves. Ryder's childhood was tainted by his parent's mate bond. I saw my mother deteriorating after my father's death. Both ended in misery and suffering. But I saw Giana and Wesley. They were good for each other. They looked happy with each other.

I shook my head. I needed to think clearly. Ryder had opened himself up to me. He laid out all his insecurities and I needed to pull myself together. I couldn't get his hopes up. I sat up as it hit me. I scramble to my bedside table to see the letter mom left me. It was time to visit mom. I walk outside to be greeted by the blue endless sky. The breeze runs through my hair and I feel more at peace. I slowly make my way into the meadow where my parents rest.

I place flowers on both gravestones and sit down on the grass. I looked around the meadow with a smile. It was a place of pleasant memories. Memories of my parents and I going for picnics. Flying kites. Playing hide and seek. I take a deep breath as I opened the envelope. This was the last thing my mother had left me. Tears prickled my eyes as I saw the familiar messy handwriting on the paper. The date was marked two days before her unexpected death.

Dearest Paige,

I'm so sorry, my dear. When your father left us, it seemed like everything in the world collapsed. There were no stars in the night sky and I was consumed by darkness. I was overly dependent on him. I'm sorry for putting you through so much. I know that you've found your mate. I knew since the pack barbecue. The look Alpha had when he looked at you. Obvious for anyone with eyes.

I just want you to live more. For the past years, I feel I stopped you from living. I know you are scared to trust the mate bond. As you know, the mate bond isn't like fairytales. It's a commitment. Two imperfect people cannot make a perfect relationship. There were so many times where I questioned my relationship with your father. I felt that it would be easier for us to be apart. So many times I just felt like giving up. If the Moon Goddess can't get us to get along, what was the point?

But when I thought about it, I could only remember the times he made me so happy. Yes, the mate bond was harder than anything. When your grandpa died, your father went missing. He returned a month later with cuts and bruises. I just wanted out of the pain he caused but I needed him. There was one thing that I failed in. I relied on your father for happiness. Paige, you are a strong girl. Happiness comes from within and you can't find it elsewhere.

I'd like to say that your father was my happily ever after but that's not true. But he did make my world brighter and colorful. If you ever doubt our bond, remember that you are living proof of all the tears and laughter we shared as mates. Sometimes it's not perfection that you seek but someone to have your back at the end of the day.

Your father used to say, "Today's today. And tomorrow's tomorrow." This seems obvious but we forget and get lost in what-ifs. So I challenge you to face the mate bond and follow your heart. Life is too short to give things up because of fear. You know people come and go. Your father and I are with you, no matter what.

I love you so much.

Mom

I looked up at the sky and thought about Ryder. I was scared but he was too. We couldn't predict the future. But maybe, we could take baby steps together. I tucked the letter into my pocket. I knew where I had to go next. I smiled to myself as I was greeted by the sight of the garden. It must have a magnificent garden. I could still see the flowers that may have been living here if it was taken care of. I walked into the maze. The bench was worn down but I noticed initials carved on the side. I smiled as I traced the marks.

I jumped as I felt something prickly against my leg. I looked down to see a small beautiful red rose. Growing around debris and beside overgrown weeds. Tears fill my eyes and I laugh in delight. Tears run down my face as I smiled up at the sky. Perhaps the mate bond is stronger than I know.

I take a seat on the bench and let myself explore what-ifs that I avoided. Ryder and I in the kitchen dancing when we've old. Liam and Hope frolicking around in the meadow. Ryder's face when he plays with our grey-eyed son. I smiled to myself when I thought about Liam wanting 6 children. It was clear that we were not ready yet but I let myself enjoy the idea.

The sun was setting and my mind was made up. Perhaps it was made up from the very beginning when my eyes met Ryder's for the first time. I was going to fight for him. For us. We deserved some sort of happy ending. I rolled my eyes. I knew we were in for a ride but who else would I choose?

I left the garden feeling lighter than I had ever felt in a while.