Less Than Perfect

{25} Maiden's Lust

*Mature Scenes*

Kanza Hadad

"Your pacing around is making me dizzy," I said, falling back against the bed. "What's so bad about staying here for a bit anyway?"

My husband gave me a dissatisfied glance. "Need I remind you that we're at the heart of mafia territory?"

"But it's comfy here. Look how soft this bed is," I smiled, bouncing on it. "And super fun."

"Kanza, you're getting distracted again."

Pursuing my lips, I crossed my arms. "I can't help it. I don't know anything that's going on here."

A flash of guilt fell across his visage, breaking the nerves as if his composure broke into shards of glass. I didn't mean for my words to come off as harsh or insensitive, but by the time I realized how my tone must have sounded, it was too late to remedy the situation. Tanwir was losing his cool the longer we were stuck here, and I was no help.

Not knowing about mafia dynamics made me feel helpless. I always prided myself in being a woman who charted her own path through life without restraints, yet for the first time since I was a kid I was facing barrier after barrier. I heeded Tanwir's warnings about the dangers of mafia life, so I chose to be careful with my words, which for me was extremely hard.

Still, I believed in Tanwir's words. We may not have been married for long, however there was a deep trust between us that required no words.

While I was distracted by my own thoughts, I didn't realize that the bed dipped beside me, the heat from Tanwir's body so close to mine that I felt my entire body light up in anticipation. His cologne wrapped around me like a warm blanket, comforting me in an embrace of love.

Looking up, I met his gaze, lost in the sincerity of his brown eyes and the fullness of his lashes that were heavy with guilt. His black frames caught the light from a lamp nearby, outlining the almond shape of his eyes, the softness of his features whenever he looked at me with his kind eyes.

I didn't remember a time when he didn't have this gentle aura to him. I saw it with Amira so many times that my chest would clench painfully at not having Tanwir look at me with those eyes. He was always so focused on the well-being of his family that he never saw the longing in my gaze.

And now he stared at me as if I was the most important person in his life, as if he'd lose his mind if he couldn't protect me.

Instinctively, my fingers traced the outline of his strong jaw, feeling the prickle of black hair. "Tanwir," I whispered, worry lacing my tone. "Are you alright?"

He leaned his head against my shoulder, arms encasing me to his body. Surprised at first, my body adjusted to the sudden change, and I found myself stroking his tangled hair.

"I'm sorry," he said with a hoarse voice.

"For what?"

"For dragging you to this God forsaken place," he mumbled, arms tightening around me. "If I can't protect you... if I lose you, I don't know what I'll do."

A small laugh escaped me. "What nonsense are you spouting now?" I asked, keeping my voice soft. "We're going to be fine, Tanwir. In Shaa Allah (if God wills it), we'll stay out of harm's way."

His broad shoulders tensed as he lifted his head. Dark shadows loomed over his visage like clouds of defeat as an aura of ambivalence emitted from him. His tired gaze met mine, almost pleading me the same way his voice did moments before.

Knock Knock.

His face hardened, all traces of vulnerability erased as if it was never there. No longer did I see warmth in his gaze or the worry that laced his expression. Instead, I saw indifference etched across his mask, an icy glare forming as he stared back at the door.