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i sat on my bed stareing at the wall , I had attachment issues, I also had a phobia , even though I don't act like it.
my phobia was called Atelophobia , it meant that I thought I wasn't good enough , and I knew that , all my life I just thought is was just a lie , because at first I thought I was good enough, and I didn't believe in my Phobia but my doctor said someone has to set it off.
And I still didn't believe it , until a few days ago , seeing Kashai at the hospital had me think about it even more.
basically , since I got attached to him with out even trying he set it off when he stopped talking to me and got back with his ex , I guess I'm still attached right now , when we really were only supposed to be friends.
I don't know how this whole phobia thing works but , it's fucking depressing as hell , well that's what it makes me feel like .
It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for no one , I'm useless , that's why my parents left me huh ? , and Debo left ? , my own best friend turned on me , who's next? , I guess I'm just here taking up earths space.
what am I doing so wrong ?
No matter how hard I try , I'm still going to feel like I'm not enough, for no one.
I just want peace , that's it , that's all I'm asking for , why can't no one just stay by my side ? , forever ? , I know it's only going to be you in your casket when you die , but still , while I'm living, why leave me ?
My whole life basically all I had was my grandparents, it was my best friend as well , but you know... , I also had kashai ...until he left.
why couldn't he let me explain? , I don't wanna bring it up again because I'm not desperate to get with him , and I'm not enough as Kasia to get his attention , he probably never even thought about getting in a relationship with me , just some one he was friends with.
But why ? , why not let me explain ?, I even blocked Dre's number. Haven't seen or heard from him at all.
If I could explain to my parents about how much they would love me and Cece , and how much we need them , I would , but I'm not good enough for them. that's what I feel right now.
maybe it's just meant for me to stay by myself. fuck everybody right ? , well expect the people who didn't leave my side.
I got broken away from my thoughts, by my room door opening , I looked up seeing Ni'jee walk into my room cheesing with bags in his hand.
"Hi Pookie."he said sitting the bags on my bed by me as I furrowed my eyebrows.
