The Boy Who Didn't Love

39 - the anniversary

a/n: we're nearing the end guys! comment here if you have any chapter ideas that you'd like to see, and maybe i'll use them.

  One year.

It had been one year since the day he asked her to be her boyfriend, which was one of the few situations in his life where he could recall being genuinely nervous. His heart had pounded at a speed he believed to be unhealthy, and he was powerless to the anxiety that seethed in his stomach, despite his mind's attempts to soothe the unfamiliar feeling through logical reasoning.

In hindsight, he had begun to realize that these feelings—whether they were pleasant or not—were what aided him in his path to finally achieving some sense of normalcy. He sensed it in specks and glimmers, easily drawing his attention as faint as they were because of their utter absence from his life beforehand.

It was only natural to give credit to the person in his life who was able to arouse these buried emotions through something as simple as kindness.

"Happy anniversary, Alice," he whispered into her ear after wrapping his arms around her, stirring her awake.

She blinked, struggling to regain consciousness, having spent hours tidying her grandmother's residence for an open house after an eight hour shift to help pay her share of rent. Nina had left her a fairly generous sum of money, but she wanted to respect her late grandmother's wishes and set the money aside for either the completion of her college degree or an all expenses paid trip across the world—both of which her grandmother had dreamt of having when she was younger.

Ali drowsily forced her eyes to latch onto him, confusion etched on her face. "What? Anniversary? What time is it?"

"Midnight."

"Midnight," she echoed quietly as the word failed to hold significance to her for a moment. Just as she began to sink back into the weightless arms of sleep, her eyes flew open and turned to him wildly. He had watched her expression for the entire three minutes it took for her to come to the realization, adorning an amused smile that only grew wider. She lifted herself up from the bed, blinking vigorously against the darkness and patting the mattress in search of his hand. "Sawyer, it's our anniversary. Let's drink champagne or something."

He eyed her disheveled state, stifling a laugh upon hearing her slurred speech. "We don't have any champagne."

"And why not?"

"Because neither of us are 21 yet."

She paused and regarded him with a deeply muddled look. "I thought the legal age was 18."

"We live in the U.S., Alice," Sawyer said slowly, and she gaped at him as if it was the first time she was made aware of that reality. She raised a hand to itch her head, then abruptly stood to flick on the light.

"Well, apple juice is good too. Or maybe I can look up how to make a mock cocktail, wouldn't that be pretty festive?" Ali suggested groggily as she wobbled over to the light switch, unable to content herself with sleeping now regardless of the fact that they had plans later in the day as well. She opened her mouth to continue, but was completely taken by surprise when the whole room lit up, even though she was the one who had done so. "Jesus Christ, that is so bright. I can't see, I can't see."

Warm arms enclosed around her body as the darkness returned, much to her tired eye's relief. Sawyer carried her back to bed and slipped in beside her, adjusting the covers around them. "We can make them in the morning. Go back to sleep."

"Sleep? On our anniversary? Who does that?"

"Me. Let me sleep in peace," he said as he closed his eyes and faked a yawn. She peered at him through hooded eyes and reluctantly caved in.

"Fine. Only because you want to, not me."

Sawyer nodded, a shadow of a smile still remaining on his lips, and welcomed her in his arms. She rested her head beneath his chin while his hands traced abstract shapes along her bare back. A few silent moments passed; he assumed she was asleep again and prepared himself to succumb to the stillness too.

"I love you, Sawyer. Happy one year," Ali murmured against his skin, half-asleep.

He tried to calm his giddy heart, afraid it would disturb her, as an uncontrollable smile crept onto his face. Flashes of memories of what they had gone through and what dormant feelings were evoked through it all played out in his mind. Every laugh, every smile, every frown, every argument, every celebration, and every moment of peace had led them to where they were now. He was beyond thankful for the developments she helped initiate thus far, and yet, he was still unbearably dissatisfied.

A year was not enough, he realized, to fully relish in and grasp the multitude of emotions that she bestowed upon him every day. And even if the day ever came that he somehow did have enough, he would willingly spend the rest of his life gifting her tenfold what she had already gifted him in such a short amount of time.

He didn't know what the future held, but he knew he'd fight to stay in the shining light that went by the name of Alice—instead of returning to the lackluster darkness that he had been confined to for years.

"I love you. I hope this anniversary is the first of many," Sawyer murmured back, pressing a kiss to her head, and she hummed in approval. They fell asleep soon after, sucked into blissful dreams that reflected their everlasting affections for each other.

365 days suddenly seemed so minuscule in comparison to the magnitude of their love.