Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - They Came In Hoodies

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: They Came In Hoodies

Client: DarlaH

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Title and Cover:

By reading the title, the picture that came to my mind was a few people walking in style while wearing hoodies or something along the lines. The title is unique, and gives us an image of something before even reading the story. I will definitely open this book to read by reading this title itself.

Unlike the title, the cover doesn't really seem to show much of the story. However I do like the font used for the word 'Hoodies'.

The above review was about how I felt by looking at the title and cover before reading the book. After reading a few chapters, I couldn't find the relation between the title and the story. Let me know if I missed it somehow.

Blurb:

The information given in blurb is perfect. It isn't too short or too much. Just the perfect amount. Plus the grammar is on point. It looks like an interesting concept. But it can be made more catchy. Same information but if presented a little differently, can give the blurb a hook that will attract more readers.

Moving towards the chapters,

Unique start. Love the way it starts off with a question. You have made it possible to connect with the main lead within the first paragraph itself.

I loved these sentences-

★Sometimes logical things weren't the things people wanted to do.

★But as I got older, these wonders were replaced by suffocating feelings, making me realize that anything can change, even something as big as a city.

★There is more to people than rumors.

★ I also liked the comparison with the balloons.

The descriptions are minimal. Not much to give a whole visual of surroundings but as it is still possible to understand the scene, I feel that it's fine. The only thing I would suggest would be to describe darklings. For Humans we can still form an image even if you haven't described them, but the other beings that are from the fantasy world you have created needs to be described, so that we could understand what we are dealing with.

****

Picking the phone even when there are no calls and messages was so relatable. It also showed how awkward it was between the father and daughter.

The idea of the note turning into a woman and then burning off after completing the message was a nice touch. It added to the fantasy vibe of the story. Speaking of which, Grayson's identity(which is still a puzzle) was a huge twist into the story as the first two chapters didn't show any sign of paranormal activities.

Stella's feeling out of place, with both her Dad and friends on different occasions was greatly described.

****

Characterization is done perfectly. The awkwardness, aloofness, pain, comfort and many other things are shown through beautifully. All the emotions are thoroughly getting delivered to the readers. And I am not talking about only the main leads, but the supporting characters too.

Your writing style seems more like mine. I too can't focus on physical descriptions and am more focused on emotions and dialogues. So for me, this was a win-win. Being said that, you can still try to describe the surroundings when you get to editing if you want an all rounder book.

The writing is a mix of originality and cliché. The cliché part was also written so nicely that it felt really interesting to read. There was never a dull moment while reading the story. It moves so smoothly.

Story moves at a little slow but a steady pace.

Grayson's parts are more intriguing, raising my curiosity every time, while Stella's parts feel relatable and connect to the heart.

Plot was great and nicely sorted out. There were no plot holes. It was a mix of a teen fiction and a fantasy story, giving space to both the aspects equally. However, a little more information about the realms could be nice. It would make us connect with Grayson more if we know what he is protecting and from whom.

Grammatical errors:

Few sentences/dialogues sounded weird. However the meaning is still understood. Fluctuating tenses. Few typos. Missing words.

There are some errors I have pointed out, so that you could refer to them.

First chapter

★My father quickly turned into someone more like a distant uncle more than a father, sending cards on my birthdays and Christmas.

The sentence sounds weird. You can frame it as-

My Father quickly turned into someone more like a distant uncle than a father, who only sent cards on my birthdays and Christmas.

★ It was as if one day he had a wife, a stepmother to me, who was even more of a stranger then my father.

Then is used instead of than.

It should be- ........more of a stranger than my father.

This is also repeated in Chapter 3

★It was probably better that then the truth anyhow.

Here too, then is used instead of than.

This seems to be a repetitive mistake as I saw in chapter 4 and 7 too. So look into that.

Chapter 4

★This would be a new start to our relationship......if he did, he would be here with him.

Here it should be-.....if he did, he would be here with me.

★Cereal Killer is written instead of Serial Killer.

★There was a smile on her face as he told me about her finds.

Here, it should be 'she' instead of 'he'. And I feel like 'findings' would suit better than 'finds'.

★Something even changed.

It seems grammatically correct. But according to the situation, I felt this was what you were going for - 'Some Things never changed'.

However, I apologize if that's not the case.

Chapter 5

★The imagines of him ran through my mind...

Here the imagines look weird. Try using some other word.

★How could I cause more damage when what he was in?

This sentence too sounds a little weird. Replace 'when' or try writing it a little differently.

*****

This might seem a lot, but they aren't. All these can be easily weeded while editing. I think it is not tension worthy as long as the errors don't disturb the flow of the stories.

There are noticeable mistakes, but the meaning behind the sentences is still clear.

Overall,

Storytelling was great. The concept was interesting and it was also conveyed brilliantly. Just work on the world building of the fantasy part of the story.

I really enjoyed reading this story. It is a nicely written story with a potential to grow more.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!