✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

74. Christmas Plans

Tess and Spike both noticed when Ffrances's car pulled onto the little gravel area at the corner of the park. The pizza was long gone now, and conversation had drifted back towards more mundane things; like which of their various friends might have a new obsession over the weeks before they met again, and increasingly fantastical tales of what they expected everyone to get up to on vacation.

They walked over to the car together, almost holding hands but breaking contact whenever they noticed. They knew Ffrances would notice; she didn't miss things like that. But as the custodian of different secrets for each of them, they were sure that she wasn't going to say anything to make them feel bad. They did their best to explain that they weren't in a relationship, and they certainly weren't dating, but that each of them had personal things to resolve before they felt their lives would be stable enough to devote time and emotion to someone else. That they were still firm friends, and were prepared to experiment with other things that they might be together when they both felt they were ready.

"That's more mature than most people I meet," Ffrances grinned. "I think you might have skipped straight over teenage angst and exploring your identities, and gone straight on to rewriting the rulebook."

"There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"

"I was just telling her she seems more mature than most of our friends. In a way that's nothing to do with a year between us."

"Hey!" Tess made a token protest, a repetition of a conversation they'd had the year before. She was well aware that if Spike remembered, this could become an annual tradition. "Are you calling me old? We're the same age, mister."

"Only until your birthday. I'm always playing catchup here."

"You'll catch me one day."

The jokes continued until they parted. And then Ffrances was driving away, the car cruising along country lanes at a comfortable speed. A few minutes passed without any questions, but Tess knew there was one coming. They weren't taking the direct route home, and the most obvious reason was that Ffrances wanted to talk about the present Tess had asked for. She wondered if she should raise the topic herself; but as soon as her thoughts moved in that direction, there were other things that she felt she should say before she lost her nerve.

"I told Spike," she said.

"About the bedwetting?"

"No! No, I couldn't say that. He'd... well, you know, he'd probably be all understanding and supportive, and find some way to help me not worry about it so much. But I still can't tell him something like that. It's so embarrassing, but I'll have to tell him sooner or later. But no, not that. I told him about that afternoon when me and Gabby were being kids again. Not the details, but I mentioned some of it. Told him about the hypnosis thing, and that I was all... curious about what else it can do. I was so embarrassed by that afternoon, but I still want to know more, to explore what kinds of things you can do. Like it's kind of scary how powerful it is, and it's not all good, but I don't think I could leave it alone if I wanted to. I told him that, and he was like... more curious than telling me I'm a freak. And I know that's the way he is with everything, but it's reassuring. Like, if I want to explore more with... that kind of thing... he'll be there to keep an eye on me. To notice if I'm putting myself in harm's way, and tell me before it's a problem. And I think I can count on him for that, in a way. If I do, like... something childish without thinking, and get a bit too close to that headspace thing, he knows about it now. So he can keep an eye on me and make sure I'm not doing anything careless."

Ffrances just nodded. And that gave Tess the reassurance she needed.

"So if I do that again... the headspace thing, or feeling younger, or feeling like a pet, or any of the other things he mentioned... hey, I don't know if I'd like that stuff until I try it, but I'm curious. But if I ask for any of that stuff, or if you have an idea you think I'd enjoy, let me know. But if we do that, for whatever reason, can you let Spike know? So I've got somebody else keeping an eye on me, who I can trust to realise in case I'm not as normal as I seem afterwards. Or so I can talk to him if it stirs up feelings I don't understand."