Kinal - Unexpected

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Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: Unexpected

Client: _xxAMxx

🌻

Title and Cover:

From the title, the first thing that comes into my mind is that something unexpected is going to happen in the main lead's life. If that's the main motto- then you have succeeded. Title is short, relatable and also intriguing. Great work at that.

I liked the cover. It looks cute and the red string that joins both of them speaks volumes. Cover is simply eye pleasing. However, I would advice to change the font for the title. Breaking down one word looks weird and I won't be able to understand the title by just glancing at it.

Blurb:

It is short yet gives proper information on what to expect from the story. It doesn't raise much curiosity. However, it will attract the right kind of readers, the ones who know that they are interested in these types of stories.

The blurb is well written for the most part. Just a little advice for the second paragraph. As the double use of 'who' makes the sentence feel weird. Plus the last sentence makes it a tad bit confusing, making the readers ponder over who it is about- Zac or Hannah.

Instead of

→Zac Carter, a loud, arrogant and over-confident popular guy, who continues to clash with Hannah; who is all about leading a relaxed and chilled life.

You can write

→Zac Carter, a loud, arrogant and overconfident popular guy, who is all about leading a relaxed and chilled life, continues to clash with Hannah.

There isn't a major change but it gets rid of the confusion.

Moving towards the chapters,

Starting paragraphs are well written but they seem over used. If something like the start of the third chapter is used, it would give a hook to the starting chapter.

Characters are introduced nicely. It is easy to distinguish and imagine their personalities.

The hate she has for Zac is clearly visible from their very first clash in the book. Zac's personality is made out in such a way that even I would be annoyed if I was getting the burnt of his teasing and extreme taunts. His embarrassed side came out as a shock, but it still felt relatable.

Hannah, too, isn't the most perfect being. She has her own share of flaws. The reactions seem a bit over the top. Like if 30% is needed then she bursts out 60-70% types. That's also fine as characters aren't supposed to be perfect.

For now, the personalities of main leads are greatly described. They evoke emotions(not necessarily happy ones) but they do. Feeling something for the characters, means characterization is done perfectly. At least for the main leads.

About Hannah's friend, Ruby, it looks like she is just there while Hannah is moving towards her classes and then she abruptly vanishes. Or just a small glimpse of her is shown. So see if you could add a little more to her character.

Melissa, too, comes abruptly, is mean to Hannah and Bam! Her part is done.

For the above two characters, I think a little more work is needed. There has to be something surrounding the scenes that would help increase the effect of main scene.

****

Story flows like a breeze. The chapters are well written. They aren't too short or too long. Just enough for the readers to enjoy it.

Vocabulary is good. The words used aren't too complicated, which I think is a must for teen fiction readers. A lot of them get scared away if the book is complicated.

Descriptions are few but still good. The scenes are fully understood so it is all good.

Story moves at a steady place and is interesting to read. There aren't any cliffhangers and most of the stuff is predictable. However, few things were different. Like Ava taking care of Hannah's health, even if both the sisters are annoyed by each other. And the fact the siblings of the main leads also hate each other. That one was new and I would love it if there were more fighting scenes(verbal) among them.

The concept isn't exactly original. However, it is one of the popular topics of teen fiction genre. A popular concept that too executed really well, I am sure the book will reach heights.

Grammatical errors:

Fluctuating tenses. This one needs to be addressed urgently. The story keeps moving from past tense to present tense, interrupting the rather smooth flow.

Missing/misplaced commas, missing conjunctions, prepositions, etc. There were many sentences that sounded incomplete. Overall meaning of the sentence wasn't lost, but you need to look into it while editing.

I have pointed out a few mistakes in the chapters below.

First chapter

★→I was peacefully sat in my business studies class....

Instead of the above sentence, It should be written like this

→I peacefully sat in business studies class...

Or I was peacefully sitting in my business studies class...

★siren like voice, of Zac Carter ruptured

→comma isn't needed after the word 'voice'. Only if you aren't writing 'Of Zac Carter' then it will sound okay.

→siren like voice, ruptured in the hallway.

★The one guy I didn't want to be partnered up with.

This sentence sounds incomplete to me. Adding something after the word 'with', would give it a hook.

Chapter two

★The mention of my sisters name

Apostrophe is missing. It should be- sister's name.

Chapter three

★What felt like five minutes, my alarm blares into my ears.

The sentence starts off right, but ends up feeling weird.

You can write it as-

→What felt like five minutes, had actually turned into few hours. My alarm blared into my ears, making me realize that so much time had passed by.

Chapter five

Jason is written instead of Zac.

*****

Overall,

Interesting story. It is the best pick if readers want to read something light. Awesome choice for the new readers.

I had a great time while reading the book.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!

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