Can it be? | Pansy Parkinson

XXIX- Screw Politics

Anna's POV

There was tension everywhere in school. People whispered to each other, glanced at others wearily and most avoided Slytherins. Anyone could see some teachers desperately trying to distract and reassure us. Multiple first years cried in the hallways, looking absolutely terrified. It was awful. If people reacted so strongly at a few death eaters escaping Azkaban, how bad would it be when Voldemort stopped hiding and acted?

"Anna." Theo touched my arm, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"Better than most people."

"Something's bothering you," Neville stated.

"Yeah, no shit." I shook my head. "As much as I hate it, it's only the start. I can't imagine how bad people will feel when they stop their denial that he's back."

Neville had been trying to hide how tensed and how bad he felt lately. He would fake a smile to everyone, but we all saw how serious he looked when he thought no one saw him. It hurt to see him bury down his feelings, it wasn't healthy, yet I couldn't really talk. I did it all the time. Theo tried to act stoic at the news, but I knew he was terrified and most people avoiding him when he passed hurt him. Luna was worried for Neville, it was obvious in the small wrinkle that would make its way between her eyebrows as she slightly furrowed them.

"You can't blame them for not wanting to accept it, Anna," Blaise mentioned.

"I'm not. Unless they start trash-talking my brother." I leaned back with a sigh. "It's normal for them to refuse to accept it. For most adults, it represents the time where they lost too many people and a time of terror. We're kids, we either don't believe in his return because of our parents or because we're terrified that this monster our parents' told us about is back. Or the monster that took them away from us."

"No one wants him to be back. Some of us just don't have the luxury to turn a blind eye to that fact." 

I looked at Pansy. She was starring right in front of her, her jaw clenched and her eyes dark. Ever since we came back, she looked troubled and closed off. I didn't know how to reach out to her and I hated it. 

"This is such bullshit," Neville blurted out. "You know what? We'll stop this. And if you guys don't want to, it's fine, but I won't let the next generation live in these shitty conditions." He looked so determined.

"Of course I'm with you Nev. Can't let you get all the glory now, can I?" I smiled at him.

Pansy got up and turned to us. "I'm gonna go, I'll see you guys tomorrow." With that, she walked away from us. I scrambled up to my feet and smiled at my friends, muttering that I'd see them later, before running behind to Pansy.

"Pansy! Wait up!"

She didn't stop, but she did slow down after a few more steps. She was obviously walking to the Astronomy tower. I followed behind her, not saying anything and not going faster to walk next to her. She pushed the door opened and walked to the railing as I closed the door. I walked up to her, putting my forearms on the railing.

"Funny how we always come back here, don't you think?" She stayed quiet.

I looked out in front of us. The view from the tower was one of my favourites. Part of Hogwarts ground was visible, the Forbidden Forest sprayed out in front of us and the Black Lake reflected the light, whatever it was. I turned to Pansy and my breath hitched. The moon shone on her pale face and reflected in her eyes, her hair seemed to absorb its light. Though her eyes almost seemed tortured, she looked heavenly. I turned around, letting my lower back rest against the railing as I tucked part of her hair behind her ear. She turned to me and I felt my heart race.

"What's been on your mind, Pansy?" I whispered and she gave me a tight smile.

"What makes you think something's on my mind?"

"You're so far from us." I just wanted to let her know I would always be here for her, that I wasn't going anywhere and that I lov- wait what was I thinking? No, I can't go there.

 She sighed and turned her head back to the sky. "You know Theo almost got the mark."

I froze. No. Not that. 

"I have no brother. My parents weren't blessed with a son, an heir. I don't know if it makes me safer or not. I don't know if he recruits women or only accept them if they come for him. I don't want to be recruited, Anna."

"You won't be. And even if you are, we'll get you out."

"You can't fight the Dark Lord, Anna," she said.

"Wether it's for you, for the world or for myself, I will end up fighting him." I looked at the wall. "No one can stop me from bringing justice to the people who deserve it."

"You think you deserve justice?"

"Even if I don't, my brother does. My parents and my uncles do. They deserve justice. If I'm the only person willing to give it to them, so be it."

"What about you?"

"I have yet to determine if I deserve it or not." I admitted.

"Neville?"

"He does. Luna, Theo and Blaise do." I turned to her and looked right into her eyes. "You do."

She looked down and we fell silent for a while. I sat down, my back still against the railing, and she sat down next to me, passing her legs through the railing.

"I'm scared. I don't want to get the mark you know? I don't even believe in his cause. I don't like the minister, I don't like Umbridge, I'm not happy with the fucking death eaters escaping Azkaban, I don't believe in the pureblood ideologies! I'm not what everyone thinks I am."

"I know."

"But the world doesn't." She let out a sigh and passed her hands on her face. "It sees my green and silver scarf and immediately assumes I like all that shit. They suddenly judge me and estimate I'm not worth giving help to, they assume I'm fucking evil." She sighed and closed her eyes, resting her forehead on the railing. "I wish the world could see, then I would be able to get out of this bloody place. I wish the world was more like you."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. I knew me not falling for the stereotypes wasn't enough. She needed and deserved more, but I didn't know how to give it to her. God, if I knew I would've done it the first night we met here.

"They will. One day, people will wake up and see you for who you really are." In that moment, they'll fall for you. They will love you, even if you do not realize it. 

I knew Neville was right. I refused to let this world get the new generation. Voldemort will be gone by the time they come to life. Miracles couldn't happen, I knew that, but hopefully the political world will be better by then. But it was more than just the coming generation. We deserved better, we did not deserve to live the rest of our lives in such environment, in such fear. I was ready to sacrifice myself for the people I loved. Nothing would stop me from giving them a better world.