Unconditionally |1| Sirius black

40

To everyone else, Arabella seemed to be back to normal. She had mastered the skill of covering her pain with a smile and jokes, and no one had seemed to notice. None of her friends, not even her brother.

Sirius however, he could tell. Even from a distance he could tell something was still eating away at her, he didn't know if it was him or something far bigger.

"Hey! Where's the tall one?" Arabella asked shaking James on the head to get his attention away from Lily. The two had been in a conversation, not an argument but a real conversation. It was a miracle.

"He's in our room, and ow." He said slapping her back before she skipped her way up to see Remus.

"We have to meet Dumbledore in his office tomorrow Jamsie." She said as she reached the staircase.

"Yea yea." He said turning back to Lily.

"That was mean James." Lily said thinking back to when he slapped his sister back.

"Just a sibling thing." He said smiling at her, she smiled back.

Arabella made her way quickly up the stairs to the boys dorms and as she reached the door she knocked softly.

"Come in!" She heard Remus say.

She opened the door, "hey." She said before walking in and sitting next to him on his bed.

"Hey." He smiled at her. "What are you reading?" He asked looking at the book in her hand.

"It's a muggle book called little women." She said looking at the book.

"I've heard of that, my mom used to read it to me when I was younger." Remus said taking the book gently out of her hands and admiring the cover.

"It's really good, I'm very invested in the lives of these characters." She said with a light laugh. "You read anything new recently?"

"Yea." He said before standing up and walking to his desk. He grabbed a book off the top and tossed it to her. She caught it easily and looked at the title, To Kill a Mockingbird.

"What's this about?" She asked opening it to the next page.

"Well, it's about a young girl who's father is a lawyer or something, he's helping a black man accused of rape. It's about the young girls journey from innocence to experience. It's very good." He said sitting back down next to her.

The two talked for a while longer before taking a  break to read parts of each other's books. "Can I ask you something?" Remus said breaking the silence.

"Yea of course what's up."

"Are you and Sirius like- like dating?" He asked quietly looking down at the book on his lap.

She was silent for a few seconds before answering, "it's complicated at the moment." She replied honestly. "I haven't spoken with him since... well since the full moon."

"Why not?" He asked looking over at her curiously.

"Because of what he did. He almost killed Severus and he exposed your secret to him." She said looking down at her book now.

They sat quietly for a minute, "so your-" he stopped himself. "When did you both- uh when-" he stopped himself again. "Never mind." He said looking around the room awkwardly. He still liked her, and that was wrong. He felt guilty knowing his friend was dating her yet he still liked her, but there was nothing he could do. You can't control who you like.

"What is it?" She asked.

"It's nothing, I shouldn't bother." He said starting to read his book again.

"No what is it?" She asked curiously.

"I just- when did you and Sirius like... start dating." He asked still looking at his book, but now he has closed it.

"That's also kind of complicated." She said thinking back to Halloween where it all really started. "I guess Halloween was when it started."

"Halloween?" He asked looking over at her with a look mixed with confusion and hurt. He was supposed to be with her that night, but he had fucked it all up.

"Yea. I guess I uh kinda got upset at one point that night..." she said awkwardly. He felt slightly awkward as well knowing that it was his fault for making her upset. "He kinda followed me and cheered me up. Then we came back to my dorm and he took care of me for a bit."

"What uh... what upset you?" He said playing dumb.

She looked over at him with a 'really' look. "You know what upset me."

He sat there quietly not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I guess." She sighed, "but I would have preferred you just told me you didn't like me."

He looked up quickly, "No! No that's not it- I just- I don't really know what happened that night. I really did like you." He said before getting quiet again for a moment before softly saying, "I still do like you."

She looked over at him with a slightly stunned face. "You do?" She asked shocked.

"Yea, but it was all so complicated with James and Sirius always staying with us and I just- I honestly don't remember how anything happened on Halloween. I had way too much to drink that night... and to be honest I had thought- never mind ignore I said that last bit." He said still looking into her eyes.

I thought she was you. She couldn't help but look into his mind to see what he was going to say. She was shocked, not only did he like her then, but he still liked her now. Did she like him still? No. She loved Sirius and that wasn't going to change any time soon. Yet, she still found herself drawn to him. Maybe it was because she didn't have Sirius now.

They continued to look at each other in silence, Remus stole quick glance at her lips before leaning in oh so slightly.

She glanced at his lips as well before her brain processed what was happening. "I need to go." She said standing up quickly. "I'll see you later." She said before exiting the room quickly.

She did need to go, she needed to talk to Sirius.