CHAPTER 10. Call For Help

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  Sunday morning came, and it somehow seemed worse than the day before. I hated it, every moment of it.

The worst part, was that almost every bit of their attention went to Kayla. I wasn't sure if they were trying to make me jealous of another female, but that's what was happening.

Kayla seemed incredibly worried for me, and as I forced myself to not even enter my room, she tried to entertain me.

"So, what are your hobbies?" Kayla asked as she sat beside me on the couch, doing a crossword puzzle.

I opened and closed my mouth, not even wanting to speak at this point. Just the thought of talking made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Uhm, walking I guess," I mumbled and watched her hands move the pen across the page of her puzzle.

"That's fun, I like walking to, we should go on a walk later." She glanced at me and frowned. "Raven, are you feeling okay?" She glanced at my pale face and tired eyes, because I had refused to sleep last night.

I had just sat in the middle of my bed, deciding I would rest when they started speaking to me again.

"I'm fine," I brushed off her question and tapped my palm on my thigh anxiously, eyes shifting around the room.

Kayla hesitating before looking back at her puzzle, a frown on her pretty face. I looked at her in envy. Of course, why not her? She's pretty and smart. I thought and leaned back, looking at the ceiling.

"Kayla, River was hoping you could come to his office for a second," Lion said simply, not even looking at me once.

To what? Give him a blow job? I thought and scoffed in my throat, making Kayla look at me.

"Here, why don't you try this?" She handed me the crossword puzzle and stood. I watched her walk away, and Lion stood in the room, looking at his phone.

I stared at Lion, foot tapping the ground nervously. He's not even looking at me, I bet if I started breaking things, he wouldn't even blink.

I bit down harshly on the inside of my cheek, and I felt blood flood my mouth. I felt nothing as Lion's gaze finally snapped to mine as he smelled my blood.

He looked away, in fact, he walked away calmly. I stood and walked into the bathroom, spitting blood into the sink blankly.

I felt my spine go stiff at a sudden thought. What if they asked Kayla to come here, to send me away with her? I grabbed the sink, air getting trapped in my lungs.

Oh god, I felt dizzy and closed my eyes, breathing erratically. They're so done with me, that they're going to send me away after ignoring me, to let everything sink in.

I slid down the wall, covering my mouth as tears ran down my cheeks. It's Missy all over again, I ruined everything again, I placed my head between my knees and tried to control my erratic breathing.

I slammed my head back against the wall and paused, struggling to my feet. I ran up the stairs and into my room, grabbing my phone. Even with my shaking hands and blurred eyes, I called Faith.

"Hey, what's up Raven?" I laid back into bed, taking a deep breath.

"U-uhm, the guys here are ignoring me," I paused and I heard a the creak of Faith standing.

"What do you mean?" Faith sounded confused and on guard. I shifted, sitting up, and looked at my lap.

"I mean, they're ignoring me entire existence, and I was wondering -"

"What the hell! Why would they do that?!" Faith exploded. I faltered and held the phone tightly.

"W-well, because I never listen to them, sometimes flat out ignore them, tell them they aren't my family, and now they're going to send me away." My voice cracked, and I tried to hold in a cry.

Faith was silent for a long moment. "Have you tried apologizing and telling them how you feel?"

I stilled and shook my head before responding. "No... that sounds like a good idea though," I wiped my cheeks with my free hand.

Faith sighed. "Maybe they're waiting for you to make the first move or something. I don't know, call me if it doesn't work, okay?"

I smiled a little. "Okay, thanks Faith,"

"Anytime," Faith told me before I pulled the phone away and hung up. I took a deep breath and touched my stomach.

That's what I needed to do, now I just needed to get the courage to do it. I stood, then quickly sat back down.

I lifted my hand and bit down on my fist, terrified I would spill my feelings, beg River to talk to me, and him still ignore me.

I don't think I could handle that. Then again, this was literally torture and I hadn't slept in two days, I needed to talk to him.

I struggled to my feet and looked out the window, feeling a little better at the pretty sunset. It was nice, pinks, oranges, and reds. I procrastinated for a long time watching it before I decided I had to go.

I creeped out of my room, feet silent on the cold floor as I tip toed to River's room and slowly opened the door.

"R-River," my voice was so soft, sounded so heart broken, and it was about to get worse. River was sitting on the bed, and Kayla was sitting next to him.

My hand fell off the doorknob, and Kayla jumped to her feet. "Do you need to talk to River?! I'll get out of your way-"

I turned and ran down the hall, opening my door and slamming it. I slid down the door and placed my arms around myself, shaking.

Of course, of course she would be in there with him. I breathed in and out sharply. My lips twisted to hold in a whimper, and I felt myself start to cry.

I hate them, good, ignore me, get rid of me, I thought and shook my head, sobbing. But I don't want that, I don't want to leave more people I care about behind.

I tried to breathe in and out, hyperventilating and panicking, feeling trapped in my own head. I need space, I need them to know-

I gasped for breath with parted lips and suddenly recalled, that the field trip was tomorrow. I should... write a letter, expressing how I feel. I struggled to my feet and found paper after a hard search.

I touched the pen to the paper and began writing, not even caring if I made any sense.

  I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused, and I know I'm not the person any of you want me to be. I understand why you've been ignoring me, and I'm sorry for the way I've acted over the years. I know you're probably going to hate me more, but I'm going on the school field trip, because I can't stand the way I feel around everyone right now.

   When I get back, you can yell at me, scream, do whatever you want, but please don't ignore me. I'll listen to your rules, and try to be nice, so please don't send me away, I don't think I could recover from that.

I dropped the pen and stared at the tear stained paper, feeling as though I had put my heart into the page. I fiddled with the pen, feeling as though there should be something more.

I nibbled on my lip and felt a tremble run through me.

You guys are the only thing I have that is family, even if I don't admit it. -Raven

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