Always You

Chapter 29: Okay Then

"Let's go for a ride," Nat yelled from the bathroom of their new hotel in Spain. She and Yelena had finished their business in Europe the day after Y/N left for New York. Rick had gotten them their helicopter back and even supplied them with a car and motorcycle in the meantime.

Yelena hadn't heard her, or rather wasn't paying attention, as she was lost in thought. She stared out the window looking around at their new city, Valencia. The sidewalks were pristine cobblestone. She'd assumed it was old, but it had been well kept it so.

Valencia was colorful and bright. It reminded her of Y/N. They would've loved it here. She'd remembered them talking about being excited for this sliver of the mission.

"Yelena?"

She snapped from her thoughts, "Yeah?"

Nat sighed. The last day without Y/N wasn't easy. Yelena hadn't spoken much after her breakdown over their letter. She'd done what she was set out to do and kept her head down otherwise.

"Let's go for a ride, yeah?"

Yelena nodded, the corner of her mouth ticking up slightly. She couldn't muster up a full smile, not now.

The two sped through the streets. Nat did her best to navigate the roads while Yelena took mental pictures of everything she saw. More colors, more people, more beautiful roads. She could see herself settling here. It was lively and it made her feel as though she could bust through the depths of her trauma.

Maybe Valencia could be where she came back to. This could be home to her now. Russia was riddled with trauma, Ohio riddled with soured memories. New York sounded nice, but she'd never been. She'd be able to live with her sister and see Y/N, but maybe that wasn't what she needed.

But it felt like what she wanted.

They continued flowing down the streets. Her mind swarmed with memories of them. The moment they met and how she'd had them in a hold. The night they fell asleep together on the couch. The first kiss they shared. The one night they got to finally be alone before everything fell apart.

As she rested her head on her sister's back, Nat began to slow and stop in front of a restaurant. It had a few tables out front that they'd be able to choose from. She kicked the bike's stand down and allowed Yelena to roll off the back.

"This looks cute." She stretched as her sister steadied their motorcycle.

Nat patted down her jacket, making sure to get the wrinkles out that had bunched as they rode, "Clint had told me about it when we traveled here last time. We never got to stop by, but I figured now was as good of a time as ever."

They sat, ordered drinks, and some food. The waiter had tried to flirt with Yelena, but when they were met with disgust, they promptly shifted their attempts to Nat. She smiled to be nice but did her best to get them away quickly.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, noticing her sister lost in a daze for the millionth time in the past day.

Yelena swallowed hard. The lump in her throat dragged as it burned. "I'm fine."

A small hough of breath came from Nat's nose, mimicking a quiet laugh, "You seem fine."

"What do you want me to say, Nat? That I'm miserable? That I'm confused? That I've spent every second of the past 24 hours thinking about someone halfway across the world? Someone, might I add, that I turned away. I'm a fucking wreck. I don't know what you're expecting."

Nat's eyebrows rose, "Well, a bit of sass is much better than silence." One might think Yelena had seen the back of her skull with how far her eyes had rolled back. "I just want to help."

Two fingers from each hand rose to massage the sides of her temples. It hadn't even been a day. There was nothing new to talk about, nothing new to report. What did Nat expect? A revelation? A better feeling?

She sighed, "I know. I'm sorry. I just..."

"You don't have to talk about it," Nat interjected. "I'm sorry for asking."

Now she felt bad. Yelena didn't mean to push anyone away but it was all she knew. She never had anyone after they were taken as kids. It was easier to keep it all in.

But if she wanted to get better, to be the person that Y/N knew she could be, then she'd have to open up, "You don't need to be sorry. It's just that nothing has changed yet. My mind still feels like a hurricane of emotions that I don't understand. I think about them all the time. Then I think about Melina and Alexei. I think about the last time I saw you. I think about the Widows we've saved, the Widows we've lost..."

There was so much going on in her head at all times that she didn't even know where to start. "Let's focus on one thing at a time," Nat responded, filling the silence after Yelena had drifted off.

She thought hard. Where would she even start? "I don't even know where to start, Nat. That's the issue. It all feels so intertwined. I can't pick any of it apart because it all leads into something else."

"Well, we don't have to start today. We'll do this over time, but I think it's only fair to leave Y/N for the end of the line, right?"

Yelena nodded, "Probably."

She spent the rest of the evening doing her best to relax. They'd get to the issues in time, but tonight she wanted to let go of the natural disaster that was her mind. She and Nat would spend the rest of the night catching up on more things they'd missed throughout the years.

Nat told her about her rise as a SHIELD agent, when she met Y/N, how she became friends with Clint and even her weird relationship with Bucky.

"Why didn't you ever date Rogers? It sounds like you two hit it off better than you and Barnes did." Yelena had hated her sister for years, but now that their relationship was mending, she was able to enjoy her sister's life after the Red Room. It almost felt like a tv show and she was getting caught up on all the new episodes.

"He and I are more like siblings. He's also madly in love with that woman he left in the 40s," She laughed, but she truly had never thought of him like that. "Plus, I just don't know what it is about me... Something feels off sometimes. Something had always felt off dating Bucky. It wasn't even him. It was nothing he did."

Yelena smiled, "Have you ever considered that maybe the issue was with men?"

"You are not the first person to ask that question," She laughed. "I don't know. Maybe? I've never given it much thought or tried to figure it out."

A mischievous grin peeled across Yelena's face, "Maybe tonight you could try it out. The bartender has not taken her eyes off you since we got here over an hour ago."

Nat's head tossed back and forth as she thought. Tipping back her drink and downing what remained, she stood from her seat. "Fuck it."