Always You

Chapter 31: Through It

Daisy
I'll be a minute late but I swear
I'm coming! Can you go ahead
and order for me?

Y/N shook their head. She was notoriously late. Even on their first date, Daisy had managed to be late and she was the one who had asked them out.

Y/N
Sure. Same as always?

They hated that they remembered.

Daisy
Yes, please :)

Rolling their eyes, they ordered her normal cold brew. No matter the season, no matter the weather, she'd always order the same. They paid for both, not caring much for her to pay them back. As they looked around, they scanned the room for a table they could find that would be far away from others.

Luckily, the back corner was free and they'd make their way there to wait. As they sat, their mind wandered. They wondered what Yelena might be doing now. Checking their watch, they figured she might be working. It was now probably 6 or 7. They might be finishing up a task or maybe just grabbing dinner.

Y/N hoped they had time to relax. There were a lot more hubs to take down, but it didn't mean they should work themselves to death. Yelena deserved a break after the emotional turmoil she'd sent herself through.

They thought about texting her but quickly sat their phone back down on the table. The chime of the bell above the door rang and in she came. Simmons and Fitz were right. The bruising was difficult to look at, but Daisy beamed anyway. How she could be excited to see them after what Nat had done was beyond them.

Y/N stood from their seat as she walked over. "My god Daisy..." They touched the colors on her face gently, "I'm so sorry Nat did this." She winced slightly when Y/N ran over a bruise on her cheek with their thumb. 

"You're not, but that's okay. I deserved it." Daisy smiled as she held their hand that traced her face. "Let's sit."

They did, nudging her drink across the table. "Same old, same old. Hope it's good."

She took a sip, "As good as it always is." The nervousness in her voice was clear now. An uncomfortable silence sat between them.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Y/N asked, rapping the table with their fingers. Her break wouldn't be long and they wouldn't have forever to talk. Which, in all honesty, was perfectly fine with Y/N. Sitting here with her was painful for a multitude of reasons.

Daisy shifted in her seat. "Well for one, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I did back in Paris. It was wrong and I deserved what Nat did." Y/N began to speak when she cut them off again, "Listen... I love you, Y/N. Still. Now, always. I don't know when that will stop and I know I fucked up. God, I think about it every single day. I just... I can't give up on us."

Y/N closed their eyes for a second. Eight months ago this might have meant something different. Eight months ago they might have jumped across the table and taken her back. Eight months ago they might have left this shop hand in hand as though nothing ever happened.

But it did happen. And Daisy was too late.

They bit the side of their cheek as they thought of the best response. What could they say to make her understand? Maybe she does love them. Maybe she does think this is it for her, but not Y/N. As she confessed her feelings, all they could do was wish it was someone else.

They wished a blonde-haired, green-eyed Russian assassin was sitting in front of them confessing that she'd, in fact, fallen in love with them. Y/N imagined flipping the table to the side and hoisting her up, telling her that she was all they'd ever need.

But that's not who sat across from them. Their eyes opened to see Daisy Johnson. She was beautiful, even with the bruises. She was someone they'd once loved with their entire being but now realized that it didn't even amount to an ounce of what they felt for Yelena. Nothing could change that.

"Daisy, it's not that I can't do this with you. I could. I could jump right back to where we were, but it's the fact that I don't want to anymore." Y/N watched her suck both lips in and swallow the lump in her throat. "I'm sorry, Daisy."

She shook her head, trying her best to hold back the tears that were now creeping up. Her eyes burned as she held her head back. Part of her had truly thought they might still feel the same. Maybe, just maybe, if she tried and begged and pleaded, maybe they'd come back. Maybe they could both go back to how it was before she ruined it. Maybe she could fix it.

Daisy took their hand in hers, "I will always love you, Y/N."

"And I will always care about you, Daisy." Another pang of pain hit her chest. Care about, not love. The feelings were truly gone and there was nothing she could do to salvage them.

She nodded, "Thank you for ordering for me. How much do I owe you?"

Y/N laughed, still holding her hand in theirs. "Don't worry about it. On me."

One last smile before she rubbed her thumb across their knuckles before standing from the table. She waved a short goodbye before quietly rushing out the door. Y/N stayed put, sitting still in the corner they'd found.

They knew Daisy was hurting. This would be like reliving the breakup all over again for her, but for Y/N it felt like a new beginning. It felt as though the last string between them and Daisy was cut. They thought about texting Nat and telling her everything that happened.

Y/N flicked through their messages, landing on their thread with Nat. They began to type before they stopped halfway through. Let Nat be there for Yelena, they thought. I'll just tell Simmons whenever I get home.

With that, they threw their phone back in their pocket and headed out the door. Simmons would be asleep when they returned, leaving Y/N on the couch to quietly watch their tv shows. They tapped the remote, flipping through channel after channel. Eventually, they landed on one that made their heart thud harder.

Rachel, Chandler, and Joey had sat on the floor of the hallway eating cheesecake off the floor. Friends, they thought. Yelena had forced them to watch it with her their first night together and after a while, they'd grown fond of it. They'd even watched it with her on occasion throughout the month they spent in Europe.

Watching this felt like a piece of her was with them. They smiled, relaxing into the couch with a pillow pulled close to their chest. Y/N rested their chin on top of it as tears swelled.

God, I miss her so much.