Mirror Me

Fourty-Four

A/N: little short chapter before the good stuff.

Tw: Heavy degrading, Talk abt SA

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YN/Shinsou

I pulled away from Toshi.

You want me to what?....

Holy hell...

I could see the look in his eyes. I asked for the check because that look in his eyes...He's had it there all night, is this why? He was acting so off at dinner I figured it was because he thought he was disappointed to the point of no return.

"Y/N..." he said, clearing his throat, "Please dom me."

I guess he repeated himself because of the look of shock on my face.. Did I have a look of shock on my face?

I quickly straightened up. I didn't want him to feel like I was judging him. I was pissed from tonight but I'd never judge him for wanting that.

"Are you sure?" I ask, I get it's a scary thing for a guy to be in a vulnerable position like that trust is the most important thing.

"Positive." He replied.

Andddd just like that he was signing a contract for the worst teasing scene ever. I was a switch, so was he. He knew what he was getting himself into. I fixed my posture standing in a more sexy way. "Go get ready for me..." I say softly I watch as he smirks before shoving his hands in his slacks and begins to walk down the hall to his room, once the door shut I let out a breath dropping my posture to a slouch.

"Holy shit! What the fuck?!" I whisper to myself under my breath.

Relax...

Just relax...

I didn't correct him at the restaurant when he accidentally called me his girlfriend... I liked it. But no matter how much I liked it, no matter how much I enjoyed that needy look in his eyes, I couldn't relax. It was the trust he was putting into me... that he was okay putting himself in such a vulnerable position for me.

I wasn't nervous at the fact I might hurt him, turns out Aiko knew a few things about the lifestyle Shinsou was interested in, the lifestyle I was trying to piece myself into... who knew someone like her would be a complete freak.

"I need to get ready," I nervously blurted to myself. I decided to keep my heels on for aesthetic reasons. He seems like he'd like that... I walked into the bathroom and flipped on the light. I swallowed when I saw a fresh lingerie set hanging behind the door. It was a black lace set. I checked the tag, it was a set made for me? I wasn't in a relationship with Toshi and I'd never suspected him of having another partner but the simple fact this was randomly sitting here made me wonder.

How many girls has he done this for?

Forget about it Y/N... like he said that's it's the past....

But what if I'm not special at all?

Whatever....Where just in a fucking contract, no feelings attached.

I slip off my dress, it slides down pooling at my ankles.

He cares for you, he cares about your passion....

Hero's always know how to fake a smile, they know how to lie and tell you everything will be okay... they know how to fathom the truth...

I needed the truth from him.

~Hitoshi~

It's been awhile since I've done this... I never offered this to my partner too many times. I wasn't scared of a dildo... like I said. It was just the part about getting tied down... I was scared of being controlled, ironic right?

Growing up I just longed for someone so bad I became a controllable person... I'd do anything for a friend.

And that anything always back fired, I trusted Y/N.

I'd do anything for her.

I loosened my tie and unbuttoned the top of my shirt, my eyes drew to the closet. I was the sub in this scene. I knew I couldn't touch it... not now at least but I had to overcome this fear. It seemed so simple, so easy... but my body seemed to stall, it was like I was walking through the pits of hell...

The ball in my stomach seemed to roll faster as I grew closer... you can do it. I thought in encouragement, if I was ever going to let Y/N explore her kinks I needed to get over my fear.

I could hear her voice growing louder. She'd degrade me every time I showed any vulnerability, any weakness... even during scenes.

"You're pathetic Hitoshi."

"You call yourself a man?" She laughed loudly. The sound of the cold chain cuffs around my wrist rattling echoed through the room.

"Your own father didn't love you, what makes you think I ever will? You look so disgraceful." She laughed, "Wait till the commission hears how Shinsou Hitoshi loves a good fuck in the-"

tears were clouding my eyes, "Grey...." I had choked out, it was my safe word at the time...

"You think I'm going to stop?" Her voice was bitter, "let me finish using you the way you know you want, that's all you're good for anyway."

"Grey." I say my voice is clouded and horse as I bury my face into the mattress, the sound of the cuffs only seem to drown out my soft sobs, "Kate, please."

I open the cabinet, the handcuffs seem to glare at me, I reach for them - my hands shaking a bit.

I let out a breath, "it's just restraints." unbuttoning my shirt and pulling my sleeve up I lock one around my wrist, it bites into my wrist.

"I don't care if you cry." Kate sneered nastily, "You're nothing but a good fuck, no matter how many contracts you sign."

My lip twitched before my face turned sour at the thought of her, she always seemed to control my life even when dead to me. I was thankful for her teaching me the things she did - but the wounds cut deeper than the knife... I locked the other cuff around my right wrist before pulling my hands apart experimentally.

The metal nipped at my skin, but it wasn't too bothersome, the last time I was restrained they cut me.

I walk outside of the closet. I swallow as I sit on the backs of my legs, I deiced to present on the floor for her. My hands are placed upwards in my lap, my feet are turned inward to face each other, and my calves kinda ache in this position....

I can hear the sound of her heels against the wood floor.

I hope this is a good decision...

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