Hades and Persephone (T)

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Hades and Persephone written by Siya_Stark3000

Hades and Persephone written by Siya_Stark3000

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i. COVER & TITLE

Your cover is beautiful! I saw a few versions of it—the darker one when I started this review and then the lighter one, and now the current one. Professionally, I think all are effective in conveying to the reader the story while being nice to look at. However, I do think the darker cover represented more of a mysterious and alluring aura than the current one. Your choice! They're all great.

I'm sorry, but I really don't like your title. It doesn't really give us any insight to how this retelling will be any different, and it's so tell-y. It's not unique and is very generic. I would highly recommend switching it. You don't even need to say that it's about Hades and Persephone in the title—you can do it in the blurb. Think The Goddess Test, A Touch of Darkness—all retellings that don't have the names in the title but still do great stories. Is there something unique about your retelling that can be conveyed in the title? Something to think about.


ii. BLURB

Your blurb has the feeling of info-dumping, especially in the beginning. It's a hard thing to avoid once you get into this mindset that people need to fully understand your backstory in your blurb—but truthfully, they don't. I think you have a bit too much in your blurb that is unessential and causes confusion. For example, the third paragraph about the sperm and the father and the robot and the brother just really went over my head after even a few re-readings. I don't think you need any of that. Here's what the blurb would look like if you stripped it down:

After the war between Hades and Kronos, the minor Greek Gods and Goddesses disappeared, meaning that Hades lost his Persephone.

Indulging in the affairs of the Underworld, the mighty Agesailos is a shell of the God he once was—and that doesn't sit right with his brothers and a certain God of love.

Starting a human University was never on the to-do list of the lord of the dead. But in this place called University, he discovered someone who he thought he lost eons ago. And in between the technical drama and the Olympus' over drama, Hades is set to find out the reality of his own existence.

Do I think this is a perfect blurb? No. But I think it has more to work with than what you currently have. I'm still a little confused, but maybe that's because I have no clue who Agesailos is (it sounds like that's what you've renamed Hades, but I'm not sure because you never repeat it). I'm also confused about that little mention of the God of love—because traditionally that's Eros but he would've disappeared with the lesser Gods like Persephone, so I'm not entirely sure what's going there. Truly, I think you need to take a step back from the blurb and write it as if we have no knowledge of mythology or your story or literally anything. That might help with some of the more confusing parts of your blurb. In addition, make sure every word and therefore sentence in your blurb is absolutely essential—and take out anything that you deem isn't.

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