empathy

TWENTY-SEVEN

"So, are you gonna tell me what's up with you?" Anastasia kicks the stone in front of her as they walk back to her house.  

Jasper, unsurprisingly and unfortunately, came back with a picture Antonina drew for her. It shows the two of them in the woods, playing hide and seek and Anastasia was damn near crying when she saw it. 

"What is it you suppose that's up with me?" Jasper glances over at her. He isn't stupid and he sure knows she isn't either. He knows she caught on to some things, he knows she'd have to be both oblivious and naive not to. And he does know Anastasia is no one to back down once she wants to figure something out. Not necessarily a bad character trait, either.

"Hey, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here," she raises a brow at him before sitting down on the steps leading to the front porch of her house. "Because you can god damn believe I will take any stupid lie you offer me," Anastasia adds. 

It didn't take her long to draw conclusions on who the Cullens are but it did take her quite some time to come to terms with it enough to believe it. Or better, enough to believe that there is the possibility of it. 

"You don't really want me to lie to you," Jasper observes, her emotions confused, conflicted and even afraid. 

It seems like they are finally catching up to her but it doesn't look like she can understand them and it gives him all the more reasons to be afraid she might crash down under their weight, their pressure. 

"Actually, I do. I want you to tell me I didn't leave my little sister with a bunch of bloodthirsty, however ancient monsters, who will kill her whenever," she turns to look at him and for the first time he can actually see the emotions swirling in her eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Anastasia. But I assure you, nothing did and nothing will happen to Antonina," Jasper means. "You know, for some reason, your words don't mean shit to me," she deadpans. 

"My family differentiates from others of our kind," he starts and hesitantly sits down next to her, with some distance put between them. "Just to be clear, we are talking about... vampires?" Anastasia interrupts him, the thought both hilarious and terrifying. 

"I'm afraid so," Jasper nods. "But it's day and I'm pretty sure you were in the room when I cooked with garlic," she shakes her head. "Yeah, the myths didn't get a lot of things right. Sunlight doesn't burn us, garlic just smells really intense and we don't sleep in coffins. As a matter of fact, we don't sleep at all." 

"You said you were different, how?" 

Anastasia is running 1000 miles per hour and the only thing truly keeping her up is Antonina. God knows she would love to storm into the Cullen household and drag her sister right back with her but the doubts in herself equal the fright she feels for vampires. 

"What the myths got right is that we feed off blood. It's the source of our very being. Quite ironic, actually, seeing as there isn't a drop of blood running through our veins," Jasper starts, not easing her mind at all. "Carlisle, our coven leader, he found a way for us to live without having to kill humans," he continues, watching her reaction carefully and keeping track of her feelings. 

He doesn't want to overwhelm her. 

"So, what? You steal blood bags or something?" Anastasia huffs out. "No," he chuckles to himself. 

Though, it would probably work. 

"We feed off animals," he states bluntly. "You know, I think that's actually worse than sucking humans dry," she replies. "Really, how so?" Jasper asks, kind of surprised she takes it this well and kind of not at all. 

"Because, I think, " she empathises. "I would get behind the whole food chain order. You're stronger than humans hence you being superior and feeding off them as we do with animals, or like some of us do. But animals, they're... they're innocent. And adorable. They're so much better than any human could ever be. They don't blame, they don't judge, they don't hurt unnecessarily and they don't kill for their own entertainment," Anastasia frowns to herself before turning back to him.

"But I guess, good for you for finding an alternative," she adds. Her voice has its indifferent tone back and he can feel his lips tug into a small smile. "Carlisle did find a way. He tends to believe that every human has a good core somewhere. That everyone is redeemable, if not now then when they return to god. His religious beliefs don't allow him to hurt a human being, may it be by feeding off them directly or by stealing their blood supplies," Jasper tries to elaborate, tries to make her get them. Not that she could, not now and hopefully not ever. 

"So, why do you do it?" Anastasia turns to him. 

Looking at her, he lets out a sigh before looking back ahead. "I didn't for a long time, I went after humans, no matter their age, gender or race, I just... I used them for my own good. And each time I did, I felt their fear, I felt everything they did and no matter how hard I tried to push it away, it got to me," Jasper tells her, not used to being this open with people. 

And yet it feels good to have it off his chest. He trusts her, no matter how unnatural it may seem, he trusts her with this, with his secret, his life and everything in between. He trusts her with his heart. With his soul. 

"You feel it?" Anastasia cuts in confused. "Some of us have special abilities. Edward, for example, can read minds, Alice sees the future and I feel emotions," he informs her. "Sounds like it sucks."

"It does," Jasper chuckles under his breath once again. "The woman, who turned me, Maria. She liked to use my abilities for her own good. During that time there were a lot of newborn armies or vampire armies. She recruited me, didn't give me much of a chance and when she found out what I can do, she not only made me train her vampires but she made me kill them when she had no more use for them. Maria thought my abilities would help, make them less afraid, make them stronger and more forceful., more fierce. They didn't," he mumbles, barely loud enough for her to hear. 

"The emotions got too much of them. Those of the trainees, those of the humans I killed and those of the people who fell. My... I reacted by developing some kind of second personality. The major, he took control during training and feedings and he... for a long time I was just him. Cold and heartless. He killed and put others through pain with no remorse," Jasper stares right ahead, his mind replaying memories long buried. 

"When I met the Cullens, they offered me a way to get back into control, completely. So, I took it. And it's not ideal, it's awful and some days I can barely stand being near the smallest amount of blood but it's better to not be in control of your own body, your own actions. It's better than being forced to watch yourself do things without being able to stop yourself."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Anastasia eventually speaks up, not knowing what more to say. How to react. 

Meeting her eyes, he nods before dropping his eyes to look at her hands resting in her lap. 

"It's alright, I've come to terms with it. And the major seems to have too, at least for a while. He was quiet, pulled back to the back of my head," Jasper looks back at her. 

"Until you came around."