Care For Me ✔️

F O R T Y - N I N E

L I L Y

It had been two days since Jack and I had given our statements to the police, and Jack's barely spoken to me since. He's barley spoken to anyone.

Night terrors are all I've experienced since. Telling my story to Detective Jones has caused my mind to be stuck in the past, Jack's too. I've heard Alex try and comfort him at night, when he's woke up screaming. It's been hard, Jack doesn't want anyone to touch him, wither it be to hug him or just hold him. He rejects all forms comfort.

Not that I blame him. I'll never understand the true extent of what he went though.

Luckily my night terrors have yet to wake anyone, at most I wake up with a gasp, my body slick with sweat. I think Leo knows,  he doesn't sleep much himself. We're three broken souls of this eleven piece family. Hiding our horrors in the shadows of the night.

My thoughts are on over drive, as I toss and turn, willing my body for sleep. The fatigue becoming overwhelming as I pray for a dreamless rest.

"You okay Lil?" I turn around, the blankets up to my chin as I stare at my twin. The moonlight showcasing the outline of his soft features.

"Mhm, I'm okay." I yawned. "I didn't realise you were awake, what time is it?"

"Three am."

I groaned, burying my face in the fluffy black pillow beneath me.

"Why are you awake?" I asked Leo, the lack of sleep evident from the purple bags under his eyes.

"Just can't sleep." He shrugged, as though the answer was that simple. "Why are you awake?"

"You know why."

"Mhm." His face remained emotionless, which I was thankful for. I didn't want sympathetic looks or looks filled with pity. "Do you want to talk about it?"

My eyes widen in surprise, Leo wants to talk? I assumed 'Mhm' was all I would get.

Do I want to talk about it... maybe?

"There's not much to say... I get nightmares about them. It's not even nightmares as such, it's memories. Sometimes, the memory changes and parts of a nightmare intrude... things happen that never truly did, but somehow that makes my fear grow larger."

"What happens that never truly did?"

"Jack's there."

Leo tilts his head, his eyes gleaming with curiosity as he studies my nervous self. He doesn't speak— instead— he gives me a moment to regain myself, as I continue on.

"I've stared dreaming that he died— that day we were shot. That's the main nightmare I have. But... there's others. I dream that I was there when he was getting beaten. That I stood and watched, and never helped him. But at the same time, I couldn't. In the dream— it's as though I'm under water, in a glass tank. I'm screaming, banging on the glass— begging for them to stop. Begging for them not to hurt him. Begging him to stop protecting me."

"You feel guilty." Leo stated, not as a question.

"I do."  How could I not?