HURTS LIKE HELL

4. Weakness

Kara

My body felt like shit. I started to stare up at the ceiling as I recalled last night's events. I felt sick to the stomach, maybe I would've thrown up if there was anything inside me. But I was just empty, physically and emotionally. 

I didn't make an attempt to move, so I just laid there helplessly knowing nobody would ever come in to save me. I was always saving myself. 

I didn't need to take a look in the mirror to know how messed up I looked with dried blood on my arm, bruises on my upper body and hickeys all over. These were the results of my pretty fucked up life and I'm the pretty little mess living in it. 

I screamed in silence, so that nobody heard it. 

After releasing a long, exhausted sigh, I closed my eyes. The girls will worry about me if I skipped school and its getting harder to lie to them these days. It was weird to me, considering I was no longer the best friend they loved, but maybe that just goes to show that they really did love me and that in some twisted way . . . I was lucky. Nobody how alone I feel, I wasn't. 

It took all of my strength to push myself off the floor and I was not surprised to find myself completely naked. As I bent down to grab my coat, an ache pierced through my lower abdomen and I winced. Pressing a hand to my stomach, I clenched my jaw. There was not a day that passed where I didn't need to worry about taking contraceptive pills, it was pretty much the only thing I consumed these years. I was going to die soon, I thought. But whose going to protect my girls?

Limping, I made my way over to the kitchen. Instantly, I grasped the countertop when I wasn't able to hold myself upwards anymore as the pain between my legs kicked in. I sighed for what must be the tenth time this morning. 

Just get through today, I told myself.

The pain in my head had eased a little, but no doubt there wasn't a bruise that had formed at the back of it. 

While I was drinking a glass of water, I saw the emptied Tupperware left in the sink. Dude didn't even bother to wash it. I didn't know what came over me, but all I felt was rage. A rage which cascaded through me and made me threw the glass against the fridge, shattering it into pieces. 

Great, that doubles the amount of glass I have to sweep. 

. . . . . . .

With a little makeup help, I was able to cover the marks on my body. Fortunately, my legs were left unscratched because today I decided to wear a high-waist black mini skirt that rode up pretty high, pairing it with a strapless red crop top with a zipped front.

While I flat-ironed my hair, I noticed how a few strands glowed into a golden colour as the light radiating through the window shined over them.

One thing that still looked the same. 

The natural thick, brown hair I was born with. 

I pulled open one of my drawers, searching beneath piles of clothing before I found the envelope where I stashed the extra money I earned. I hid my other savings elsewhere. I took out a few dollars then placed them into my wallet before putting them in my backpack pocket.  After I kept the envelope, I tugged on the red-bottomed black stilettos that Lily bought for my birthday. The majority of my shoes came from Lily, most were gifted and some were given no matter how hard I refused. 

I applied some gloss, sprayed on some perfume before grabbing my oversized black denim jacket, my backpack and walked out of the apartment. 

If I really am a total mess, I'm gonna be one that looked god damn well fine.