With love Emma

Chapter 22

Emma found a box in the secret compartment. It was covered with flowery patterns. She took it to her room with the excitement of a child; she always loved mysteries.

It had many letters folded neatly with some trinkets. Curious, she opened one letter.

My love Elana,

I hope you are doing fine. I am miserable here without you and miss you terribly. The distance made me understand how important you are to me. When I close my eyes, I see you. I think of you from morning to night. Nothing seems right without you.

Emma stopped reading. Her throat constricted. These were love letters Nicholas had written to his first wife. She wished she never found them. Jealousy and guilt overwhelmed her. Jealousy because even after confessing her love to him many times he never returned the favour. Occasionally, he called her 'dear' but nothing more. Guilt for feeling jealous of a woman who no longer walked this earth.

As her heart raced, there arose a longing to hold Nicholas. As if on cue, Lord Nicholas walked in.

His smile turned to a frown as he saw her looking miserable.

'What happened?' he asked with concern.

'Nothing.'

He noticed the letter she was holding and asked, 'What are you reading?'

'I am sorry. I didn't mean to.'

She handed him the letter laden with guilt. One look at the letter, and his demeanour changed. His concern turned to fury.

'Did you read it?' he asked with a growl.

'No, just a few sentences. I stopped immediately. I am sorry. I didn't mean to read your letter.'

'Where did you find this?'

'In the secret closet.'

'What secret closet?' he asked sharply. When she didn't answer fast enough he made an angry noise.

'The secret closet in the dressing room,' she replied in a rush.

He marched to the duchess' dressing room.

'Show me where.'

She shakily pointed to the drawer where she found it.

'Is there more?' he asked.

'No, I think there is just one hidden drawer.'

Before she finished, he punched the drawer, breaking the wood. Emma shrieked with fear. He did not stop, and when he was done, only a pile of broken wooden splinters remained of the drawer.

Emma gasped and held Lord Advent's hand, he was bleeding. The splinters bruised his fingers. He flinched at her contact and wrenched his hand away.

'Nicholas, please you are bleeding.'

He turned his back and marched to his chamber.

He snatched the box containing the letter from the bed and left her.

'Nicholas, wait!' she yelled and tried to follow. He was fast; when he reached his study he slammed his door shut.

Emma waited outside the door for a long time, not daring to knock. She returned to their room. She didn't want to sleep in the duke's bed without Nicholas nor did she want to return to her chamber, it was twice as hard. She curled into a ball in the cushion.

Every good thing that has happened in the last few days came to a crash. Lord Advent had just battled his guilt and finally opened up to Emma and the letter was a huge push for him to go back into regret and isolation. Just when Lord Advent had opened up to the possibility of finding love again, she had reminded him of Lady Elana. Emma saw the cruel fate to be her mistake. Why did she have to read his letter; his letter! Just thinking of it squeezed her heart painfully; would Lord Advent ever allow Emma into his life again?.

Nicholas never came back that night, his valet collected his clothes in the morning. Emma wanted to see him. She waited in the dining room but he never came for his breakfast and lunch.

Nicholas might hate her but Emma put on a brave face and marched off to his office with food, Mrs. Dennis insisted that a maid carry it for her.

'Mr. Rame, did Lord Advent have any food?'

'No.'

'Can you help me pass this on?'

Mr. Rame looked extremely uncomfortable as he said, 'I am sorry, but His Grace gave strict orders not to be disturbed. Perhaps, you could go in directly.'

Mr. Rame thought Lord Advent was less likely to lash out at his wife. Emma never wanted to disturb him, ever again; but he had to eat something. She gathered all her courage, knocked on the door and let herself in with the maid on her tail.

He glared at her.

'I... I... I brought you food,' she stammered out of fear, tears threatened to spill.

'Rame!' shouted Lord Advent.

'Your Grace.'

'I pay you and you can't even do one damn thing!'

'I am sorry,' Emma and Mr. Rame said together

'Get out!' he boomed.

Emma wanted to run like the other day. But she didn't; she was the Duchess of Watford, she had a duty to uphold.

'I will leave the food, please have it when you are hungry.'

She instructed the maid to lay the food on the table before curtsying out. Then she made her way to carry out her daily obligations. Though she looked composed, she was dying inside.

'Ouch!' Emma said, as she pricked her finger with needles. She was in the living room with Mrs. Dennis, embroidering.

Lord Advent went out for some business and upon return, he barricaded him in his study. He didn't even spare her a glance.

'Oww!' she said again, now tears running down her cheeks.

'Your Grace, perhaps I should fetch you a thimble?' asked Mrs. Dennis in concern.

'No, I am fine.'

'Oww!' she said again, now there was a trickle of blood running down her finger.

'Perhaps we should put these away and continue tomorrow,' suggested Mrs. Dennis.

Mrs. Dennis helped Emma collect the supplies and followed her to her chamber. Once inside, the pain inside her chest was unbearable. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. Not wanting to be reprimanded by Mrs. Dennis for acting out, Emma tried to wipe her tears surreptitiously.

But Mrs. Dennis watched her like a hawk and she didn't miss it.

'My fingers hurt,' she said weakly.

Mrs. Dennis did something which made Emma cry even harder. She pulled Emma into a hug, like a mother.

'It will get better soon.'

'But it hurts so much,' she sobbed into her shoulders.

'I love it, but why does it hurt so much?' she sobbed while Mrs. Dennis patted her sympathetically.