✨ DrugsRus ✨
Moon Go Boom 🎻
Five offered me a sip of his drink
bc I mentioned I was thirsty.
Sage💚✨
Ok?
Genie 💜
JUST FUCKING WAIT- 💀💀
Badass Stapler 😎
BAHAHAHA
Moon Go Boom 🎻
I was not fucking expecting to take
a sip of vodka cranberry at 9am
Sage💚✨
BAHAHAHAHAHA
------
✨simp goddess ✨
Klaus
How did ur trial go?
Ghostopus 🦑
Oh my god
Don't even get me started 😤
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
I may or may not have
done something bad....
Badass Stapler 😎
What did he do now?
Ghostopus 🦑
So, basically it went like this.
Judge: How do you plead?
Me, mouthing: *not guilty*
Klaus, dead serious: Hot Milky
Sage💚✨
😭😭😭😭
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
IT'S NOT MY FAULT I SUCK AT LIP
READING 😢
------
Musclebob Buffpants 💪🏻
Anybody under 5'7" can't be talking about fighting anyone. Like, what are you going to do? Headbutt someone in the nipples?
Badass Stapler 😎
Say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole
Sage💚✨
BAHAHAHAHA
GET WRECKED LUTHER
Musclebob Buffpants 💪🏻
I was trying to wreck Five
But it backfired
------
Knife Boy 🔪
Synonyms are weird bc if I invite
you to my cottage in the forest, it
sounds nice and cozy
✨simp goddess ✨
Ok
Knife Boy 🔪
But if I invite you to my cabin in
the woods, you're going to die
Genie 💜
LMAOOO
My favorite is "butt dial" vs "booty
call"
Badass Stapler 😎
It's called connotation
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
Also:
Forgive me father, for I have sinned
vs
Sorry daddy, I've been naughty
Sage💚✨
GREAT NEWS! LANGUAGE IS CANCELLED!
Ghostopus 🦑
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------
✨simp goddess ✨
I'm the kind of person who likes
to think things through
Sage💚✨
I've seen you eat a marshmallow
That was still ON FUCKING FIRE
------
Badass Stapler 😎
I wanna show you a picture that
really upset me today
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
WELL, IN MY DEFENSE, BEN BET
ME FIFTY CENTS THAT I COULDN'T
DRINK ALL THAT SHAMPOO
Badass Stapler 😎
That's not what I meant- YOU DRANK
SHAMPOO?!?!
Sage💚✨
Y'all are on crack 💀
------
Ghostopus 🦑
I think Klaus has PTSD
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
Yeah I have PTSD
Proficient Talent for Sucking Dick
Sage💚✨
I-
Ghostopus 🦑
I think we also need to talk about
your use of humor as a coping
mechanism
------
✨simp goddess ✨
I've decided I wanna be cremated
Moon Go Boom 🎻
Like when you die?
✨ simp goddess ✨
No like whenever just surprise me
------
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
Which country has the most birds?
Sage💚✨
Idk
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
Portu-geese
Knife Boy 🔪
Wait that's a language
Moon Go Boom 🎻
Portu-gull?
Musclebob Buffpants 💪🏻
Nice recovery
✨simp goddess ✨
Don't you mean re-dove-ery
Sage💚✨
😂😂😂
Badass Stapler 😎
Turkey. How did we miss Turkey?!?!?
------
Druggie 💊🏳️🌈
What's your favorite color of the
alphabet?
Sage💚✨
I am so done with you-
Badass Stapler 😎
The human body has over 7 trillion
nerves and you somehow manage
to get on every single one of them.
✨simp goddess ✨
Klaus, I love you, but shut the fuck up
------
✨simp goddess ✨
Why did I make a hit list containing
only McDonald's last night?
Sage💚✨
You tried to order a Margarita McFlurry
and when they said they didn't have any
you tried to call 911
Badass Stapler 😎
Sounds like something I would do
------
Musclebob Buffpants 💪🏻
Let's play a game
Knife Boy 🔪
Ok
I spy with my little eye someone
who needs to shut the fuck up
Sage💚✨
Uh-
Musclebob Buffpants 💪🏻
Is it me?
Knife Boy 🔪
It's always you.
YOU ARE READING
The Umbrella Academy Groupchat
RandomThe Hargreeves and I in some weird ass scenarios over text that I think would happen WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEYYYY
