Ash's Darling | ✔

Chapter 56

~Esther~

After eating lunch in relative silence, I walked back into Ash and I's room and laid back down in bed like I had done for the past week now. The only time I could get the voices in my head to stop was when I was asleep.

My mom and I had another conversation which just made everything worse. She fueled my bad thoughts when she told me things like 'If you would have just listen to me and not be a fucking whore this wouldn't have happened.' and 'It's all your fault. Look at what you did to Josie and I. We're in the hospital, all because of you.'

I didn't want to believe her. I didn't want to believe the thoughts swirling in my head all day for the past week. I didn't want to believe them but it was getting harder to fight them. I kept telling myself I wasn't the one who ran a red light and slammed into them, I told myself it wasn't my fault. But then again, they were arguing about me because I moved in with Ash. If I hadn't moved in with him maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe it was my fault.

As I laid my head down on a pillow I heard my phone buzz from beside me. I ignored it as I laid down and got comfortable only to pick it up when it buzzed again. The text was from an unknown number, making me furrow my eyebrows as I unlocked my phone and went to my messages to read the texts.

'Hey, this is Brynn from the bookstore. Sorry I didn't text sooner. I've been pretty busy but I was wondering if you'd like to get together today and hang out?'

To be honest, with everything going on, I had forgotten I gave her my phone number the last time I was there with Ash. I thought about her proposal for a minute before deciding to agree. I hadn't left this apartment in a few days and I thought it might be good to distract myself a bit. Maybe it'd make me feel better.

'Sure, that sounds fun. Where should we meet and what time?'

Her response was almost immediate. 'How about the coffee shop and diner next to the bookstore at 3?'

"Who's that, darling?" Ash asked, laying down next to me.

"Brynn. The girl from the bookstore." I texted her back, telling her I'd be there and checked the time, seeing that gave me two hours to get out of bed, shower and get ready. "She wants to hang out today."

"Do you want to go?" He asked me, I could see the hope he was trying to suppress. He didn't like Brynn all that much for reasons I didn't understand but he seemed happy that I wanted to get out of bed.

I nodded. "Yeah, kinda."

Ash smiled at my answer before kissing my forehead. "Go get ready, I'll drive you there." I nodded again and laid there for another minute before sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed. I stood up and walked towards the bathroom, knowing I needed to take a shower. I was planning on taking a shower anyway if I had enough motivation but to be honest I probably wasn't going to. I had been meaning to take a shower for the past two days.

This depression shit sucks.

I sighed as I closed the bathroom door behind me and turned on the shower, stripping my clothes while I waited for the water to warm up. Stepping into the shower, I realized it was too hot but left it alone anyway. I didn't care anymore, it was just water.

As I let the water soak my hair and run down my body I thought about Ash. I thought about how worried he was, he knew I was slipping back into my depression although he didn't know how to help. I could see how much it affected him when I looked in his eyes everyday. He wanted to help but he knew he couldn't unless I wanted it.