If I Didn't Have You

23

Warnings:
-None

Clay's POV

George sat on Sapnap's lap while feeding the ducks and Sapnap and I were just constantly talking about whatever came up in our minds. We were both really relaxed right now and eventually we went to the park so George could crawl around. We were scared he'd fall in the water if we stayed close to that.

George was crawling around, but he stayed with us because he got scared when I was alone with people he didn't know. 'Kway!'

'What's up, Georgie?' I asked. He just smiled and crawled further again. He just wanted my attention for a second and that was enough for him to be satisfied and happy.

I saw him sitting in front of a flower on the ground and he stared at it for a while. He picked the flower and started crawling back to us. 'Kway!'

He sat down next to me and held up his flower. 'Kway!'

'That's such a beautiful flower!' I exclaimed, pulling me closer against my body because he was falling down. He hit his arms around from happiness and let his flower fall which made him very upset. He immediately started sobbing so I grabbed his flower and held it up.

'Look! Your flower is here, it's completely fine.'

He turned quiet and reached out to grab it again, smiling softly when he realised it was still okay. 'You!' he exclaimed happily as he reached out his hand again.

'Is the flower for me?' I questioned.

'Es! Lowe you.'

'Thank you so much, that's so sweet of you. This is such a beautiful flower, I'm going to take good care of the flower, okay? I'll put it in water as soon as I can.'

He made a happy sound and crawled away again. Sapnap grabbed his empty bottle and stood up, walking to the pond further away. He came back with it filled up with some water so I could put the flower in it.

I put the flower in the water and he put it down on the grass we were sitting on.

'I'm pretty nervous...' he sighed. 'Can you distract me?'

I nodded. 'Do you want to try to give me my tube feeding? It's not too difficult.'

'I can try. Can I mess it up?' he asked with an insecure voice.

I smiled and shook my head. 'Not really. It's okay if something goes wrong, but you can only spill some of the liquid feeding. Alright, look.'

I grabbed my bag and the bottle that was full of my already prepared feeding. 'You need to fill the syringe and connect it to my tube.'

I held up the tube and showed him what to do. He nodded and carefully filled the syringe, attaching it to my tube. 'And now?'

'Press this and do that slowly until it's empty. Then repeat that a few times.'

'Okay,' he answered, focusing on what he was doing.

~~~

It took about twenty minutes for him to be done which was the usual time it took. I cleaned everything and smiled brightly. 'Thanks, dude.'

'No, thank you for distracting me. I'm glad I know how to do this now so I can help you next time too.'

I wrapped my arm around him and looked at George who was still crawling around. He sat down on his knees and looked at the ground with a soft and happy smile, staring at a fly that sat down on his hand. He giggled softly and flapped his arms around. 'Kway, Swapnap!'

'What's up, Georgie? Are you having so much fun?' I asked him, moving closer to him. I grabbed his hand and he looked up at me with a smile on his face.

'Kway...' he whispered, resting his head against my chest. He closed his eyes since he was relaxed and happy with me, sighing softly because he was tired.

'We are going to take you home, Gogy. You're going to get some of your favourite food and then you'll go to sleep!'

He made a very soft noise, suddenly very tired. 'Kway, sweep.'

'You're going to sleep very soon,' I answered. I gave him a kiss on his head and lifted him to to carry him to his wheelchair.

'Bwunny, seep?'

I grabbed the bag that had his stuffed animals and pacifier in it and gave him his friends after I put his pacifier in his mouth. He was satisfied and rested his head against the pillows on the sides of his head, hugging his stuffed animals tightly.

Sapnap stood up too and we started walking to my house first to get more of my feeding for this evening. Sapnap was picking his skin because he was very nervous. I reached out to grab his hand.

'It's going to be alright, Sap. I'm going to be with you, I promise you it will all be okay. I'm going to help you as much as I can,' I comforted him. 'Don't hurt yourself or pick your skin, please. I understand you're anxious, but I'm going to stay with you for as long as you need me to.'

He breathed out. 'Thank you, Clay. I love you so much, dude. I would have never gotten this far without you, I can't stop saying that. Thank you for loving me with all my problems and taking me for who I am.'

'I can thank you for the exact same thing,' I answered him. 'You could have made fun of me when I got a tube and when I cried about eating.'

'Of course not, that's a normal thing to not do.'

'Yeah, and for me it's normal to love you with all your problems. I love you for you and you aren't your problems, you have problems which doesn't mean that defines you.'

He didn't answer me but smiled brightly as we arrived at my house. I quickly went inside and my mother handed me feeding that she already prepared for me.

'Thank you, mom. I'll be back this evening, I'm not sure what time yet because I think I need to stay with Sap to comfort him for a while. I'll text you when I'm home, but I'll make sure to be back before I'll go to bed.'

She nodded and kissed my cheek. 'Have fun and good luck, sweetie. Text me when you need anything. I gave you enough feeding for your evening feeding as well if you might not be at home then.'

'Okay, thanks. I love you.'

'I love you too,' she smiled at me as I turned around to walk away, ready to help Sapnap in the hope his parents would understand...

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