Writer in the Dark - J. HALE

31 - ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢᴇꜱ

ATHENA :)
I miss you more than life itself.
Undelivered!
I was talking to Jake today, about his feelings for Bella. He likes her so much that she's always on his mind, it's constant and heartbreaking for me to see. At the very mention of her name he blushes and pulls this face that is rather funny but also endearing. I haven't really ever seen a mortal pining this hard for somebody. For him, it's a first love so it's more intense than all the others but I worry it's an unrequited love. I read alot about those and they are so painful that I almost dislike Bella because of it? And I know, that is not fair at all and is not a good reaction but I would be lying to myself if I denied that feeling.
Anyway, I told him to be careful. Like extra careful, given the whole Edward situation and everything. Bella was so broken, like broken enough that she begged me to take away her memories of him and all of you. I didn't, not that you'll ever know anyway. 

Jake helped her build herself back up, I think and I can tell that she does feel something towards him but it's not a love. It's not the love that he has for her. It's more of a dependence on a person. Then I wondered if that dependence does not come hand in hand with relationships. So, I asked the only person I truly have in this world. Billy. He said that it does. He said that the dependence strengthens a bond to the point where the dependencies are overshadowed by an intense and ever-burning love where you just fit each other - in his words exactly. 

This is a long text, sorry. I just need to get things off my chest and currently, the journaling is not working. This does seem to relieve some of the pressure in my mind, which you know full well is ever-growing. Today, Lucifer that's a lie. Months ago, a week after you left, a week after I made such a huge mistake. I realised that I did and will forever remain to have some sort of dependence on you. You made and make me happy Jasper. Just you and that little smile that tugs on the corner of your lips whenever you find something entertaining. I miss you more than I thought I could ever miss someone. I never missed billy this much - don't tell him that though. 

When I do leave here, I will leave you your hat in your room and a lengthy list of where I have recently planned to spend my next two hundred years. I hope that you find it and will want to come and find me. It will be difficult for me to leave but I will have to, the same as you did. I could tell in your eyes that it was difficult for you. I'm not that blind to peoples emotions.
I've just realised that this reads like a letter, a letter that you'll never get to read. So, my literary heart is compelling me to finish it as a letter. I know, I'm insane. All writers are somewhat insane, it makes us good at what we do.
Love,
Athena
Undelivered!