I would like to precede this chapter with just a warning: there will be rather vulgar language in this chapter. Why? Well. It's about Wattpad comments. That stuff ain't a clean place. That stuff can be straight up more thirsty than my great uncle who legitimately had six wives.
With that being said, let's launch into the chapter!
The comment section of Wattpad. Truly, it is a wonderful place.
For those who doubt me, have you seen that Twitter account called "Wattpad Comments"? It's glorious. They compile some of the best comments across Wattpad and share them with the world. Here are some recent examples:
"ENOUGH LOVE WHERE IS TRAUMA ?"
"is reincarnation optional can't i just stop there"
"One human kidney is worth 262k USD. With that you would get one semester and $87,000 leftover. If you sell your other kidney you get another semester with $174,000 left over. Congratulations, you are now a sophomore with no kidneys! Now you can sell your gallbladder ($1,219) to start off the semester! You have $219 left. For Semester B, you should sell your heart ($119,000) and liver ($157,000). Now you have $101,219 left over. You can use that to buy your casket and set up a cheap funeral because you are now a dead junior."
"if a man says poggers while he's inside of me I'm k1lling us both now no one's having fun"
"Shaving my pubes with your teeth?"
Again, this is a nasty place. Let's all go to a nunnery after this chapter.
But, for real! If you want to see more of that very entertaining content, I believe the username is 'wattpadcomment.'
Anyways, I thought it would be fun to talk about the types of comments we see on Wattpad! Let's go! Let's make this a family tree!
Also, I would love to see people attempt their own examples of these comments. Entertain me. Please.
THE GRAMMAR GRANDPA
I mean, this one is really straight forward. Most of their comments start with a * symbol, because their comments are probably just correcting a typo you made.
I know some people get frustrated when all they see on their stories are:
But really, this person is a blessing. They're literally telling you which mistakes you need to correct. Thanks, friends!
THAT 'ENTREPRENEUR' UNCLE WHO ROCKS UP TO THE PARTY JUST TO HAND OUT HIS BUSINESS CARDS
My titles are never subtle.
This is the type of commenter that goes from story to story, being an absolute pest. Because, instead of giving the story any credit or feedback or respect, they just comment to advertise their own story.
This comes in varying types of subtlety. Some try to link it to the story they're commenting on:
"Oh, I love this trope! I actually wrote about this in my own book, Cornflakes to Milkshakes, which is on my profile! Here is a link! You should check it out!"
And others are straight up just like:
"You should check out my story. Here's the link."
And then there's the:
"[insert link to the story with literally nothing else said.]"
For me, personally, I always get the:
YOU ARE READING
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