Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - My Invisible Girlfriend

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: My Invisible Girlfriend

Client: kundab

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Title and cover

Title is an absolute attention catcher. I got excited to read the story, just by the title itself. At first, I thought that the girlfriend must be a ghost or something but the storyline turned out to be more unique and interesting.

Cover is nice and relatable. It gives us a glimpse of the story at first glance itself. I am really curious and interested to see what this story brings out.

Blurb

Blurb is well written in all aspects. It is of perfect length, lets us know what to expect from the story, creates a hook and there are no grammatical errors visible.

The first look of the story, from where readers decide to read or not, looks absolutely fantastic.

Moving towards the chapters,

The opening sentence was just - Wow. A unique way to start a story yet very much appreciated.

We are thrown into the character's mind from the very start, making a connection. Main lead's character is set within the first chapter itself. His weirdness, his desperation was clearly shown.

Chapter was really funny.

I also agree that sleep can temporarily make us forget our problems.

The dialogues between the main lead and his stepmom were good. It gave us the understanding about the relationship or rather lack of relationship between them.

There seemed to be some emotions missing at the moment he found out about the news. Personally, I felt that upon finding out that his father had a heart attack, a son would rush to the hospital or at least try to.

However, their part was aptly shown in the next chapter. Luca's relationship with his father was really heart-warming. Their conversation brought a smile to my face.

Like Luca, I too was surprised when the girl didn't automatically turn up. I must say it was quite clever thinking. And the explanation for it was pretty understandable.

As Luca described the traits he wanted in the virtual girl, his own personality traits came across readers.

*****

Characterization is done perfectly. Many attributes of the main lead are shown, with the promise of more to come. The entry of the virtual girlfriend is awesome and I would have loved to read more about her.

Information related to her, like how she is created and then how everything looks like a real world was shown pretty nicely. Even if there was so much new than our usual world, there wasn't a single area where it felt like an info dump.

Pace of the story was good until now. It didn't seem too fast or too slow.

Main storyline is really interesting. I have never read something like this. So the book is totally unique and refreshing for me.

As there are only four chapters, nothing much has happened till now. But whatever is present, is really interesting and I have a hunch that there will be amazing twists coming up in future.

Writing style is good. Author is able to put across the thoughts and situations properly. There's just an issue with inverted commas/ quotation marks. Instead of being used at the start of dialogue, it has been put at the end of the previous sentence. And this has happened too many times.

Chapters were a little short. However, that's totally fine as the quality is more important than quantity.

Descriptions were minimal. Personally, I prefer this much descriptions but mostly people do like to have more details to create a vivid picture. So it's up to you in this matter.

Grammatical errors:

Minor punctuation errors like using full stops instead of commas when the dialogue ends.

There were few typos concerning the quotation marks.

Fluctuating tenses- It started off with present tense and suddenly switched to past tense. I would recommend selecting the one that is more preferable to you and stick to it.

First chapter

→We all know that you can would win..

Can and would in the same sentence makes it sound weird.

You can use either one of them or if you are going for an effect then you can also try this-

"We all know that you can and you will win."

→I wanted to understand what that was about that James would skip class for it.

This sentence seems a little weird to me. Instead of that you can write-

I wanted to understand what was so awesome about it, that James would skip class for it.

Chapter Two

→On the right side of where my headsets were was what looked like cables with little box-like white ends.

Here, were and was written right after one another makes the sentence weird. Try and write this information in some other way.

→You are an excuse to a human being.

I think what you meant here was- You are a pathetic excuse of a human being.

These were some small negligible errors which can be weeded out while editing. There wasn't anything too concerning which might need an urgent edit.

Over all,

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was unpredictable, funny, even heart-breaking. Would love to read further when the updates are available.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!