New camp director (Percy Jackson fanfic)

Forgiveness

    The ghosts' voice rang through my head, telling me I need to forgive myself, but it's not as easy as she had made it seem. I keep forcing myself to believe it wasn't my fault but a deeper voice in the back of my mind insisted that it was, but I wasn't willing to talk to anyone about it, I'm so tired of being vulnerable, I can't handle being weak anymore, but times running out, there's only a little bit of summer left, and I'm not willing to wait for everyone to be gone, I need to prove that I'm not weak and pathetic like Mr Doc had painted me out to be! I walked towards the pavilion, minding my own business as usual, I've stopped drinking, or drinking as much, I learned that being drunk while around Mr Doc is a bad idea because it's when he'll take advantage of my weakness and try to kill me.

   Once I walked in the pavilion, I kept my eyes low, he won't bug me if I don't make eye contact with him, right? I sat down peacefully, receiving my food. I was surprised when Mr Doc sat across from me, looking at me intently. "Yes, sir?" I asked, he doesn't know that I know it's Gabe yet, so I don't need to tell him unless I feel the need to.

    "You've been obedient, to obedient, if I say so myself." He raised an eyebrow in curiosity, he wanted an answer.

    "I just don't want to get beat, sir." I said, biting my tongue. It was true, I didn't want another harsh beating, especially with everyone able to watch.

   "And is that just because you don't want everyone to see you vulnerable again?" He asked, and everyone listened in, gods, they have no respect for privacy, but it's what he wants, for all the attention on me.

    "Partially," there was no point in lying, I just have to be transparent and he'll believe me, "I'm also just sick of being hurt and weak all the time." I grumbled nervously, but I was quiet, so no one else can hear me.

"Glad to see you learned your lesson." He smirked at me, and I bit my tongue, don't say anything stupid don't say anything stupid.

"If that's the way to you want to put it, Gabe." Fuck I said something stupid fuck fuck fuck. He was taken aback, jaw dropped, and when people saw this reaction, they looked confused.

"So why do you think I am him?" He asked hesitantly, he didn't want me to know. It was clear as day, he was hesitant, I was finally one step ahead of him.

"You knew of the abuse because you were the one who did it, you knew I was afraid of appearing weak because you saw me try to act strong for my mom, and you spitting on me made me confident that you were Gabe." I wasn't going to tell of the ghost, that will be my little secret. "Don't bother lying, I know the truth." His jaw was gaping ever so slightly, he knows he can't lie, and now he'll be more aggressive than ever. In his silence, all I could see was his anger brewing up, trying to think of what he can do, and all he did was spit at me again, and I scrunched up my face is disgust.

"Stupid brain boy!" He growled out at me, spitting at me again. At this point, people were ushering kids out of the pavilion, and Chiron was getting ready to intervene, but I shook my head at him, telling him to wait. This is something I need to face on my own.

"I've wanted to kill you, as long as I've known you." It sounded angry, but it was honest, and that's what I wanted to be right now, "you've hurt me and my mom for so many years," my fists were clenched, and I could see his were too, although the wasn't in Gabes body, it's all I could see. "You said you wouldn't hurt her if I kept quiet, did you tell that same lie to her? If she didn't go get help that you wouldn't hurt me?" I asked, clenching my jaw. My pent up anger was slowly crawling towards the surface, and it was noticeable to the few people left in the pavilion, which mostly consisted of my friends.

"And so what, I never got caught." Mr Docs face smirked, but I knew it was Gabe, it was a fucking game, he thought it was anyways, and it frustrated me more than anything. "And I've gotten my revenge, some of it anyways!" He laughed loudly, triumphant that he'd worn me down, I was a child to him again, I was as vulnerable and weak as I was back then, and I resented it. Without thinking, I hit him in the face with my plate, spilling food all over the table. When the plate broke, I didn't care I kept hitting shards of glass against his face, but he was still laughing, although he showed he was in pain.

"I hate you!" I screamed at him, tossing away the glass and going in for punches. "All this fucking time, it was my fault! You made me blame myself for all these years! I was ashamed because I couldn't fight a grown man, I couldn't protect my mom! You are a liar!" The rage was enough to motivate me not to slow my punches.

"Percy!" I heard someone shout, but it was so distant, my anger clouded my senses, the years of built up anger finally reached the surface, the violent thoughts that clouded my mind for months screamed louder than they ever have, and I relished the moment, nothing was going to stop me. "Percy!" Thats when I felt someone grab my arm, thoughts weren't registering, I tossed whoever it was off, and pulled out my gun, putting it up against Gabes head, and my punches stopped.

His face looked messed up, his jaw was broken, so was his nose, bruises were quickly forming and blood covered his face. "It's so easy, so fucking easy, I could kill you right now and this body will never host another evil spirit ever again, and you will finally take your spot in the fields of punishment once more." A cruel chuckle left my mouth, but I shook my head. It took me a few moments to realize tears were streaming down my face.

"You're weak, Jackson." I don't know how he was even able to speak in the state his face was in, but he managed just fine. "You could never pull the trigger, and even if you did, you would follow me to the fields!" He chuckled, shaking his head. He was right. I'm no better than him, his proves it. My hands were coated with both his blood and mine, and I stumbled off of him, looking around, my friends looked horrified, it was Leo who was on the ground, holding his head, and I could see a couple drops of blood from between his knuckles.

"It's all my fault."