Assault With a Deadly Weapon || N.H / 1D

80* + Epilogue

(Song recommendation: REPRISE by the Lumineers)

This is the last chapter :') it's 13k words so make sure you're ready. Also, there's smut!

Stay tuned for a sappy note from me at the end!

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I slept alone in my apartment for the first time in months. I'd forgotten what it was like to live in a place that I could only afford on my salary. My apartment was smaller than the entire wing at the McBride mansion. I had gotten used to the feeling of sleeping next to someone, or at least sleeping in a bedroom that had more personality than mine, which looked like a sad cardboard box. My bed was cold, since the heat in my apartment was absolute shit, and my bedding was just the cheapest option I could find at Target.

Needless to say, I wasn't the same girl I was when I left this apartment so many months ago. I'd changed so much. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I couldn't be alone anymore. My mind kept conjuring up terrible thoughts as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling.

You should've been able to save Felicity.

Why are you sending Brielle with your Dad, she doesn't even know him.

Niall jumped in front of the bullet for you, how are you going to make that up to him?

You took Niall's medal.

You killed someone.

You took away Josephine's family.

You've done more harm than good Ophelia. You're a monster.

"Shut up!" I cried, slamming my face against the uncomfortable pillow. I just wanted my brain to be quiet for a minute. I just wanted to sleep.

Harry is heartbroken.

Louis lost his job.

Payne and Malik weren't even recognized.

You took all the credit.

You've done nothing but hurt people.

"Ugh!" I sat up in a flurry of frustration and hurt. I had this rock hard feeling in the base of my stomach, this impending sense of anxiety that just wouldn't go away.

I didn't know how to move on with my life. How was I meant to just live on like normal when so many people were in pain because of what I'd done?

No. The only person who truly was in pain was me.

It was one in the morning, snow was swirling outside in the freezing air. I'd counted more sheep than a border collie. I finally gave in and picked up my phone, searching for Niall's contact, then I stopped. He was probably sleeping, I shouldn't bother him. I would see him for lunch the next day anyway.

Niall hadn't asked me to stay with him, which was why I'd even gone back to my apartment in the first place. We'd only lived together because we were undercover for so many months. Was our relationship really at the stage where we could live together just because we wanted to, or was it just the only thing we'd ever known as a couple? It was confusing, so confusing.

After two hours of pacing my bedroom, it became less confusing, and more instinctive. I knew what I wanted, and I knew how to find it.

I dressed in my coat and scarf, forgetting my mittens because my brain was in such a loose fog. I left my apartment in its cold, broken state, and I walked outside. I breathed in the frosty air, burning my lungs. It was a nice reminder that I was alive. I forget about that more often these days. I looked both ways before crossing the street that was still buzzing with traffic, even at three in the morning. That's New York for you.