SCARRED(Sequel To Wounded)

Chapter 34

Song: Dead in the water- Ellie Goulding
KACELY

While thinking about what happened a few hours ago as I lie down and face the wall, I hear the keyhole twitch and the door creak open just before the lights get switched on. The bed sinks as Henry sits down and I hear him unzip his shoes.

"Chale I know you are not sleeping"

"I wasn't acting like I was" I say and he walks towards me, stands between the wall and I, then looks down at me.

"Why did you just leave like that?"

"I don't want to talk about it"

"Are you sure it wasn't because I called you Zaccheus?"

"It wasn't. But you shouldn't have done that... at least not there. You know I don't like it so I don't get why you keep doing it"

"Chale, it's not that big a deal" he says and I don't reply "Did Avery do something?"

"Not exactly"

"So she did something wrong?"

"No, she didn't do anything."

"Well she feels like she did and she feels so bad because of that." he says and I exhale "You need to call her and tell her she didn't do anything"

"Talking to her won't help situations"

"Come on Kacely" he says and I stubbornly close my eyes while he keeps trying to convince me. When he sees that it is a lost cause, Henry climbs on the bed just after switching the lights off. In about an hour, I hear him snoring lightly and I just keep staring at the wall. The sounds of music from clubs and bars are slightly audible and I try to listen to them in order to distract my mind from thinking about tonight but I can't...

Why did I react like that? I wasn't even in control of how I felt. Immediately Avery called me Zacchy, I thought of Az. I immediately remembered her, how she came up with the name, how it felt when she called me that and it felt like what I was doing was wrong. I came here with the intention of forgetting about her... even for a while. I don't want to spend my holiday sulking over her and I also don't like the thought of she and I not being together anymore. It's a really confusing place to be in; the thought of not being in a relationship with her... not referring to her as my girlfriend gives me an uncomfortable feeling in my chest. I still love her so much... so much and I don't want to let go of the hope I have in us having a normal relationship after all this, an even better one, a healthier one.

But there is absolutely no guarantee that she and I will come back together... should I keep holding on to that? To a high school love affair that was as toxic as the relationship Eminem described in Love the Way You Lie?

Here I am, young and attractive, post high school in Accra with a friend and the ability to do absolutely anything with any girl who wants me to, but I can't bring myself to. Maybe I should just throw caution to the wind and have a good time, maybe I should just forget about her and let everything go. Maybe what I need is a rebound... someone who can just help me forget everything... maybe I just need a distraction, to get laid.

No!

Nobody deserves to be a rebound and certainly not Avery. She is such a sweet person. Plus haven't I had my fair share of girl drama this year? Ara, Bryana, Az and now Avery? No... that's enough for 2020. I should spare the rest for the remaining years of my life.

AZ

Seated in Manka'a's office, I start getting impatient and my mind starts racing because I feel like today's session will not be as shallow as the ones in the last weeks. I feel like today I will have to start facing my demons head on. I will have to start opening up about uncomfortable topics. I will have to address my past and fears right here, right now.
The room is extremely quiet and I get drawn to the sound of the water moving from the top layer to the lower layer of the filter.