These Paths We Tread (Autobot x OC)

XXVII. Use Somebody

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Jazz didn’t take Catherine back to Ratchet. Instead, he silently brought her to her room, all the while holding her close to his chest, right over his spark so she could feel the warmth. It was comforting as her mind succumbed to the dark, tumultuous mess her thoughts were quickly becoming. Fear and cynicism filled her like black smog, turning the world around her empty and dark. The only thing keeping her tied down was the humming and warmth of his spark; a small, but powerful voice calling out.

When they reached their destination, she found Steeljaw waiting there with his brothers, greatly worried. No words passed as Jazz set her down, and she allowed the metal lion to guide her in and onto her bed. What became of her white knight was lost as the door was closed behind her and she lay upon the sheets, staring blankly at the ceiling. She knew not what to call the thing that rampaged through her, tearing apart everything in sight. She only knew she felt pain and emptiness and guilt. She only wished she could know for what reason she did.

Her face remained unmoving, regardless of what she felt. No tears formed; no streams ran down her cheek. She did not even frown and scrunch her brows in confusion. She only stared, trying desperately to form a path through the torrent, but she was at a loss. Even the worried callings of her creations’ sparks could not stir her, though she knew they were there. No, her attention was meant for one thing, and one thing only.

Sideswipe.

What had happened? What had possessed him to act as he did? He had been no better than a rabid animal, and she could not deny she’d felt fear running through her before his gaze. His desperation was terrifying. The desire to have his brother—it was like he was a starving beast. But he had not been that way days before. He had been perfectly fine. He had been cheerful and grumpy and distant. Hadn’t he? Had she even really looked? Had she bothered to notice? Had she not seen the growing insanity causing his mind to crumble and turn him into that—that thing?

How could she not have seen it? Was everything a lie? Had her time with him been but a beautiful illusion? She could not help but wonder if they were friends after all. Yes, they had spent precious moments together and spoken deeply in such a way only friends would, but still—the scene from but moments before burrowed deep, cracking the memories. She searched through those cracks, looking for what might lie beneath though it frightened her. She did not want to have to peel away the welcoming, bright exterior to find a monster beneath. She did not want to find what she always did beneath people. She did not want him to be like everyone else, yet, how could she deny it?

Surely it was just her fear’s doing, and she shook her to head to dislodge its hold. It was a weak attempt, however, and she could not be free of its cruel whispers. She could not help calling herself a fool. She should not have allowed herself to get so close so easily. She knew the consequences. She knew what could happen. Sam had done it—he still could, her fear told her with a horrid laugh—and Sideswipe she had scarcely known for a few months. Yet she had done so, and now she was to suffer. It had been inevitable, though. How could she have thought any different? It always ended this way, didn’t it?

Denial did its best to press through her morbid thoughts, but the smog was thick, and she was forced to retire into a heavy sleep muddled with strange memories that were not her own. She only wished she could have stayed there, drinking Energon blissfully with some unknown comrade while other mechs roamed about, peacefully and without care, but morning came. However, she would find she would not need to leave the safety and comfort of her metallic lion’s frame, who had not left her side for a moment and informed her she had been given the day off to recover from sickness.

She silently thanked Jazz—there was no other way she would have time off—and let herself stay there, curled against Steeljaw’s side while he placed his head close, watching her carefully. Her thoughts were mostly empty as she stared off, but slowly a vague desire came to her mind and she had Teletraan transform. She scrolled through the names in her contact list and stopped on the name she knew best of all. However, she paused just before pressing to call. There was no naming why, but she suddenly felt a new great fear and worry. Her vision shook as she stared at the name, fear taking hold again.