Writer in the Dark - J. HALE

56 - ᴘɪɢɢɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ʙᴜɴɴɪᴇꜱ?

ATHENA SAT in the very corner of her sofa, music playing softly in the background as she looked over editorial notes about her book. There were few but she was a perfectionist, any little piece of criticism would mean a complete redraft of that section. It was very time consuming, which wasn't really an issue since she had all the time in the world and the extract always came out better for it. So it was worth it in every way but the repetitiveness bored her greatly. She often took little breaks, diving into books or stress-relieving dances in the kitchen.

As she was in full swing of a paragraph that had caused a block in her mind, the sound of footsteps running up the rain licked brick steps up to her house caught her attention. She turned to the door just as Jasper walked inside, barely even touched by the rain thanks to his jacket which he took off and hung on the rack. Once he turned back around her smile fell just a touch. She could tell that something was bothering him, whether it was big or small, she could just tell. He held himself different, tenser and he had sort of a vague hidden look in his eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked softly as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Nothing," he sighed without even realising it as he sat down next to her on the sofa. She straight away knew he was withholding the truth, she could just see it in his eyes.

"You sure?" she asked, trying not to show her worry through her expression. He hummed in reply, making the slight part of her brain that thought he wasn't lying fall away immediately. "Come here," she replied softly, moving so she could sit better on the sofa. Jasper, like they had done a few times before when he had something on his mind, lay down on her lap and she started to run her fingers through his hair. His eyes fluttered closed as she gently ran her fingers through his hair. He liked to be still to relax, so still that he looked like a statue and the hair thing was something they figured out also helped. She dropped her voice to a whisper, not wanting to disturb his peace, "If you don't want to talk about it that's fine, just know I'm here if you do."

He smiled softly, a difference he was very grateful for as the frown had started to bother him too. He just couldn't not think about it. It was like someone with a higher power wanted him to feel so horrible inside, to only relive the days of absolute torture with no way of distracting himself. It ate him up inside, the guilt, guilt for something that he didn't even mean to do in the first place, He had been blinded by hope, by a false love and by something else he just couldn't control. It was like a spot of hatred been set in his brain for the years since, but now it had grown with no hopes of shrinking it back down. He attempted to push the thoughts from his mind again, saying, "Just don't plait it." as a way to make her laugh, a distraction for him.

"Would you prefer little pigtails? Or maybe bunnies?" she chuckled softly, fulfilling something within his head.

He raised a brow, "Bunnies?"

"Pigtails but as a bun, basically," she explained softly, still tracing lines through his hair in the patterns she knew relaxed him most. The quiet returned again and she let her mind wander, trying desperately not to focus on what was bothering him so much. If she did, a world of different scenarios would be treated in her head and almost one of them would have any truth to them. All they would do would make her concern grow. So she thought about Benji and how happy he had looked when she fed him some strawberries that morning.

"It's about my turning," he spoke softly, bringing her back from the daydream.

"Jazz you don't have to-"

"I want to tell you," he interrupted, opening his eyes again to further the point.

"Are you sure? Because I don't want to have pressured you into something," she asked, keeping her voice low and watching as he smiled softly. She would give anything to be able to decipher the look in his eyes right then.

"Very sure," he smiled reassuringly and from then on, Athena remained silent. Just waiting for him to be ready to talk again."I got a year older yesterday, late in the night. And it just bought up a lot of things from back then."

"Like?"

He sighed, thinking for a split second, "Just everything. Maria and the constant army building and all the things I've told you before. It was just so pressurising and I never got the chance to relax. I had to be constantly on guard, ready to attack at any given moment because I had to fight for my life back then. I had to fight and live a forced, toxic relationship so I could get through the long days. Not ever relaxing ruined so many things in my mind from my human life, just like simple things that were just not possible so they became shattered like everything else."

"What sort of things?"

He smiled softly, falling into the memories of his human life. "Going so fast on a horse that the dust kicked up by its hooves creates a dust cloud that shows where you've been. Or just watching the earth turn orange under the glow of sunsets. And walks, without having to listen to every single noise in the forest for intruders," he almost whispered, picturing every little thing about those memories in his head and all the feelings that had arisen because of them.

"Do you do that now? I mean search for intruders all the time?"

"Partly. It's just engraved in my brain now I think," he responded after thinking about it for a moment.

She smiled in understanding, "You wanna know why I always listen to music on walks?"

He opened his eyes, looking up into hers as he asked in surprise, "Really?"

"Yeah. The Volturi hunter badge didn't sit well with many people. The music, for me anyway, soothed it away and I started to realise that nothing was going to leap out of the forest and kill me at any given time."

He remained silent again, just thinking it over and considering if that was something he would want to do. "Maybe I should try it."

"If you want to," she replied softly, gently moving all the hair from his face before she pressed a single kiss to his forehead.

He spoke at an almost whisper as he asked, "Come with me when I do? For the first couple of times maybe."

She smiled, "Of course."

The quiet overtook them again and she slipped into thought again, no longer needing something to distract herself. Instead, she was imagining the happier things he did when he was a human and how that would feel. Then she grinned, "Now if you sit up, you'll see the most adorable little pigtails with plaits in them."

He immediately sat up and looked in the mirror, turning to scowl at her jokingly once he had seen his reflection, "Liar."

She laughed, "Oh come on now, you can't tell me that you thought I would actually do that?"

"You're slightly unpredictable sometimes," he shrugged, struggling not to laugh.

"Ah well, I'm just amazing like that," she replied with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, putting her closed laptop that had been lying on the sofa onto the coffee table as brief flutters of laughter escaped her lips.